Shy Guys

To a friend who desperately wants a shy guy, this is my message to you…. You know who you are! :)

In my opinion shy guys are the best kind of guys to date. Dating is complicated and can be different with every individual, but I think I’ve come to understand some umbrella theories when it comes to dating shy guys. Keep in mind this is all from a girl’s perspective. And not all girls would agree with me. But they don’t control this blog :)

When pursuing a shy guy be prepared for endless mount of prodding. It begins with you having to initiate all the conversation and work very hard to get the guy to do anything with you. Even if its something as simple as going to the basketball game on a Friday night. It’s almost painful. And it goes against our nature. Naturally guys are wired to WANT to pursue something (or someone) they are interested in. Girls are wired to enjoy being pursued. But guys also have a fear of rejection that, contrary to what is commonly believed, is much bigger than girls’ fear of rejection. If a guy thinks he will be shot down and rejected, he will most likely not do it. Now, add in a guy that has a shy and concealed personality, and its almost guaranteed he won’t even try.

But you are sitting there thinking “but I won’t reject him! I know we will have fun! We are perfect for each other! Why can’t he see that and pursue me!?” I know, I feel you… But take it slow; it can be a slow and painful process… Stick with me.

Getting to know the guy a little is the first key, don’t worry about seeming like you are being nosey, annoying, and weird. Chances are he likes the attention and is flattered you would even talk to him; he just might not show it. Don’t doubt your female power over him, the force is strong, and no man no matter how shy can resist it!

Once you’ve established friendship and want him to know of your devout feelings for him, you need to get him to tell you how he feels. Be it good or bad, you need the confirmation. Getting shy guys to reveal their feelings is a lot like pulling teeth, it is hard, and seems impossible. I’ve never really found a smooth transition into it either. I have done it, and it was very blunt. I did it in person, with the great fear and doubt that he didn’t share the same feelings. I had an idea he did, but that’s what get’s you about shy guys… you can’t read them so you are never really sure! But once you get them to open up its like getting into a good book. Its easy and effortless. He is then acutely aware he won’t get hurt, so he will go for it. I had to confront this shy guy about where he thought we were, cause we were in a weird “grey area” for MONTHS! But being blunt and up front (in person, not over text) like I was got me what I wanted, he got the validation he needed, and he asked me out the next day! Its true, shy guys need the validation they won’t get hurt. Keep in mind this process building up to the blunt honesty I was able to achieve took months! Took a few awkward dates and lots of conversation initiating. But I reaped the reward for my agony and patience.

Shy guys are like unread books that you enjoy a lot. You get to read words a lot of people haven’t thought to read, and that you appreciate. They cherish you. They whisper to you. They are gentle. They genuinely want to be with you, simply because you want to be with them. You are bigger to them than their ego. They never flaunt your relationship, but when someone says something about it they just smile, a smile that melts your heart. They don’t “take” your hand… they hold it. They don’t “cover the check”… they treat you to dinner. More often then not they are one of the funniest people you’ve ever know, and it’s special because not everyone knows he is funny. Inside jokes become a major link between you two. He makes you appreciate the little things! You won't regret whatever you may get into.

So whether you are just beginning your opening of a shy guy book, if you are halfway through one, or if you’ve fully opened it and are enjoying the easy and effortless read, I hope this helps. I hope it gives you encouragement to be patient and bold. (Qualities guys really like) I know how hard it is… I’ve been there. Take a DEEP BREATH…

Now go and conquer!