Self-cation

The recent few weeks have been very stressful, and as I work through all the things I have to do, trudge through my daily routines in this dreary pacific northwest weather, I feel the strong urge to go away. Preferably to a sunny place, but I wouldn't be picky. Any old quiet place away from this town would do!
It wouldn't even have to be a full blown vacation. Just a get away to a hotel for a night would do. But here is the kicker.... I don't want a vacation. Vacations entail going long hours conversing with your family, sharing a hotel bed with your siblings, and going on someone else's schedule! That sounds just as chaotic and demanding as my life right now, just put in a different venue.
I want a self-cation. I want to go some place on my own and do absolutely nothing and yet everything I want all at once. I spent the better portion of my civics class day dreaming of driving an hour or so to the coast, getting a nice little hotel room to myself, going to the grocery store and buying a ton of junk food, changing into a robe and slippers and just hanging out in the hotel room looking out at the water. Nobody to talk to, nobody to share a bed with, and nobodies schedule to be on. I imagined walking along the cold beach, lost in thought. I would leave my phone turned off in a drawer. Answering to nobody and reading nobodies Facebook posts or emails. Being able to walk the cute little shops along the Main Street, only stopping where I want to. I would eat any food I want, and probably have no structure to my meals at all (eating when I get hungry, instead of at a set time). I would sleep a lot, without fear of my alarm clock buzzing in a matter of a few short hours.
That's my idea of a perfect self-cation. In a quiet and thoughtful place with little distraction, but enough amenities to sustain a spoiled appetite! Enough to not induce boredom that causes anxiety either.
I hope I can find a self-cation sometime soon! Or I might lose my mind!
I think we all need to get away every once and a while. It's good for us!

Good Mojo

I am about to start me senior season of high school fastpitch. Which is suppose to be the most exciting and fulfilling season of your playing career! I have had my ups and downs with this fastpitch program. I haven't enjoyed every day of practice, I haven't agreed with every decision made. But I've been dedicated to the program since day one... And to the game for over 12 years.
So tomorrow I'm going to try outs with so much good mojo I'm going to be leaving puddles behind me for the others to try and splash in! I'm going to have everything in place. I have laid out my perfect practice gear, complete with my lucky underwear and sports bra. I shaved my legs (even though no one will see my legs) because I'm smooth in every sense of the word, both physically and mentally. I will bring my favorite water bottle, and fill it with Britta water. I have laid out my best shoes incase we are in doors, and have scrubbed off my cleats incase we make it to our field.
I don't do all these things cause I think they will bring me "magic luck." I know that's an irrational thought. But I do these things because they make me feel prepared. And when I'm prepared I feel confidant in what I'm doing. Which is my goal tomorrow. Worrying about those little things doesn't have to happen, so I can focus all my mental energy on my game. I can focus on pumping myself up. Keeping my thoughts in a confident head space. I struggle with that, but it being my senior year, I need to buck up and lead.
I don't want to spend any more time worrying about the thoughts of others when I play.
Tomorrow I'm stepping onto that field for nobody but myself. I have nothing to prove to anybody. I will arrive to kick butt and leave it all on the field.
Cheers to season '13!!

Words

I think it is human nature to want to put words to everything they see and feel. Now, to put a word to an object isn't difficult at all. But to put a word to an emotion is a little more difficult. No one can see sadness, anger, happiness, or confusion. Yet, here I am typing the words we've given to identify those feelings.
We have an entire professional field dedicated to putting words to feelings! It's called psychology! Don't get me wrong, I love psychology, I study it, and hope to go into it as a career. But I've been reflecting recently on the fact that it's a flawed science. That there are levels of emotions no words any psychologist can come close to saying, that would relate to the feeling. There are sadnesses so deep that "depression" doesn't begin to cover it. There are fears so deep the word "traumatic" can't even come comprehensively close. There are angers so deep that "rage" does even touch the base of it.
There are strong emotions unobtainable by language. Hurts so deep that people literally can't speak from them. There are joys so tremendous that words are unnecessary!
Just something I've been thinking about lately.

The Worst Prom Dresses

I was bored tonight, so like any lonely high school teenage girl, I ended up eating a bowl of ice cream while looking at prom dresses. And I found many that I would wear, and many that I would not. But there are a select few I found that NOBODY should wear!
Here are the weird prom dresses for you to enjoy laughing at hopefully as much as I did. And yes! they all really do exist! (I took the liberty of renaming each one)

Upside-down Root Beer Float

Seaweed Mermaid Mis-hap

Dirty Chimney Sweep

To lazy to get out of bed, so she took the comforter with her
Comforter Queen

Greek Goddess Gone Wrong

Pee Prom (Incase anyone forgot the color of urine, here it is)

Peanut butter Jelly Prom Princess

Vegas Show Girl Get-Up

There is more where these came from! And sorry (#notsorry) if I offended anyone! Hope you all enjoyed!

The Human Body

I've come to the conclusion that the human body is a rather broken system.
I mean, it seems not a day goes by where one somehow manages to have the opportunity to bump, scratch, even break, or permanently hurt ones own body! Its not that hard to do. Our biggest muscle in our body, the brain, is susceptible to constant aches, our fingers exposed to dangerous objects on a minute to minute basis. If left alone, in our natural environment, our own skin can burn just from the rays of the sun. A human can bite with anywhere between 117 to 265 pounds of force. Yet, our jaw is placed right up against the tender tissue known as our cheeks. That is just a disaster waiting to happen. And those are just the outward things that make the body fragile and frail! The inside of the human body is even more dangerous because we can't see whats happening! There is an entire profession dedicated to fixing the inside and outside of the broken and spastic system we call our bodies (Doctors). For the inside, think of cancer, just think about it... Our own cells multiply! Its not bacteria, its not any outside foreign sources, its just our own stupid bodies killing us from the inside out... at alarming rates around the world I might add.
Our skin peals, our eyelashes can grow the wrong way, (yes, its true, and I have that condition) our teeth can rot, our hair can become ingrown, our bones can break, our muscles can come unattached, our body can overproduce things and underproduce things, and we can get air pockets in our bodies. Even our mind, our brain, can perish because of a multitude of reasons I can't even begin to get into.
Now, I know we don't think about all this on a daily basis. It probably doesn't cross ones mind when they step out of their vehicle or step onto a bus that a billion medical things could go wrong with just that one step. I really believe it's a miracle we make it through each day.

This is just something I really took to heart today, but don't dwell on the subject to long or you will begin to not enjoy life! I learned that as well today.
Hope you enjoy! Thanks to all who read my blog! More to come soon!

Paranoia

I have a problem, and I come forward to you completely embracing it. I know to many it will sound ridiculous, to many it will seem perfectly logical, and to some it will suggest I need some sort of mental help, but stick with me. I have an amazing ability to repress my paranoia when others are around. You wouldn't know just by looking at me I am paranoid.
I am paranoid of intruders. Intruders of any kind, be it kidnappers, burglars, murderers, and any other category I'm forgetting. I have this unexplainable fear of them. I have thought long and hard of every scenario that could possible happen if someone broke into my house while I was home. I have an escape and/or attack plan for every room. Evaluated various objects in each room and determined what I can and can't use as weapons in self-defense. The kitchen/dining room is always the preferred place to encounter an intruder, because it has two doors I can easily access and all the kitchen utensils to use as weapons! In my room I sleep with a fork on my headboard.... I know how weird that sounds, but think about it. It does just as much damage when jabbed at a human being as a knife does, but looks ten times less threatening. In the event an intruder passes me by in my room, if I'm lucky enough, my bat bag is also within reach so theoretically I can get my bat out too!
 I especially put these plans into thought when I am home alone, like I was today. I came home to the front door unlocked, which I automatically assume means somebody is home, but found no family member present. This sent me into automatic lock down mode, as a number of things could have happened. I mean, who knows how long the door was unlocked! Anyone could have walked right in before me and could be waiting inside for me. What if someone came in and, heaven forbid, TOOK my sister or something, and was waiting for me next?! The tv was on and my sisters' backpacks were here, so I knew they had been home. I double checked every room, and concluded no one was here, so I went to the kitchen to get a drink and settle in, though still puzzled by the situation. But I heard something from the back of the house, and without hesitation I pulled out the CHEF 2000 6.8 inch knife from the knife drawer and kept it at my right hand side, ready for whatever monster was back there breathing our houses air and prepping to pounce on me. Though, I continue to go about my business, mind you, I just happen to be on high alert while doing it, with a knife in my right hand. I decide to stay in the main areas of the house and not go back to the bedrooms or computer room, cause it's a lot easier to be trapped back there. I lock all the doors, and sit down to my laptop. I place the knife facing behind me prepped for an attack from behind. And like that I sat until my mother came home to relieve me of my concern.
Not that having my mom in the house would stop a murderer in the moment, trust me, I've mulled over that one for days too. But it puts one at ease to have another human around.
This is what I live with. And the scary thing is I don't mind at all. It makes me feel safe, even though I've never been in a situation that even remotely come close to the intruders I make up in my head, I am prepared! You think I'm crazy? Is this normal? Do I need professional help?

Shy Guys

To a friend who desperately wants a shy guy, this is my message to you…. You know who you are! :)

In my opinion shy guys are the best kind of guys to date. Dating is complicated and can be different with every individual, but I think I’ve come to understand some umbrella theories when it comes to dating shy guys. Keep in mind this is all from a girl’s perspective. And not all girls would agree with me. But they don’t control this blog :)

When pursuing a shy guy be prepared for endless mount of prodding. It begins with you having to initiate all the conversation and work very hard to get the guy to do anything with you. Even if its something as simple as going to the basketball game on a Friday night. It’s almost painful. And it goes against our nature. Naturally guys are wired to WANT to pursue something (or someone) they are interested in. Girls are wired to enjoy being pursued. But guys also have a fear of rejection that, contrary to what is commonly believed, is much bigger than girls’ fear of rejection. If a guy thinks he will be shot down and rejected, he will most likely not do it. Now, add in a guy that has a shy and concealed personality, and its almost guaranteed he won’t even try.

But you are sitting there thinking “but I won’t reject him! I know we will have fun! We are perfect for each other! Why can’t he see that and pursue me!?” I know, I feel you… But take it slow; it can be a slow and painful process… Stick with me.

Getting to know the guy a little is the first key, don’t worry about seeming like you are being nosey, annoying, and weird. Chances are he likes the attention and is flattered you would even talk to him; he just might not show it. Don’t doubt your female power over him, the force is strong, and no man no matter how shy can resist it!

Once you’ve established friendship and want him to know of your devout feelings for him, you need to get him to tell you how he feels. Be it good or bad, you need the confirmation. Getting shy guys to reveal their feelings is a lot like pulling teeth, it is hard, and seems impossible. I’ve never really found a smooth transition into it either. I have done it, and it was very blunt. I did it in person, with the great fear and doubt that he didn’t share the same feelings. I had an idea he did, but that’s what get’s you about shy guys… you can’t read them so you are never really sure! But once you get them to open up its like getting into a good book. Its easy and effortless. He is then acutely aware he won’t get hurt, so he will go for it. I had to confront this shy guy about where he thought we were, cause we were in a weird “grey area” for MONTHS! But being blunt and up front (in person, not over text) like I was got me what I wanted, he got the validation he needed, and he asked me out the next day! Its true, shy guys need the validation they won’t get hurt. Keep in mind this process building up to the blunt honesty I was able to achieve took months! Took a few awkward dates and lots of conversation initiating. But I reaped the reward for my agony and patience.

Shy guys are like unread books that you enjoy a lot. You get to read words a lot of people haven’t thought to read, and that you appreciate. They cherish you. They whisper to you. They are gentle. They genuinely want to be with you, simply because you want to be with them. You are bigger to them than their ego. They never flaunt your relationship, but when someone says something about it they just smile, a smile that melts your heart. They don’t “take” your hand… they hold it. They don’t “cover the check”… they treat you to dinner. More often then not they are one of the funniest people you’ve ever know, and it’s special because not everyone knows he is funny. Inside jokes become a major link between you two. He makes you appreciate the little things! You won't regret whatever you may get into.

So whether you are just beginning your opening of a shy guy book, if you are halfway through one, or if you’ve fully opened it and are enjoying the easy and effortless read, I hope this helps. I hope it gives you encouragement to be patient and bold. (Qualities guys really like) I know how hard it is… I’ve been there. Take a DEEP BREATH…

Now go and conquer!