Facial Hair

I know this is strictly my opinion on the dead skin cells growing out of other humans face, but I'm going to give it anyway because being a girl, this is something I have created an opinion on. Collectively us girls have had extensive conversation about the opposite genders facial hair at some point, it is a natural topic of conversation for some strange reason. An aspect we find easy to critique probably because we don't have any (hopefully)…
I think scruff on a guy is fine! It shows he cares about grooming himself but also that he is a man and can actually grow a beard. It is also very dependent on the guy. For most guys, scruff or what some call stubble makes them look older and more defined. But for some it turns into the is awkward patchy mess that adds only sadness and confusion to his facial features. I think the real winners are the ones that can pull off a clean shave and then rock the stubble one week later, able to interchangeably do those looks. Then there is the long outlandish bead the length of my forearm. That curls and hangs there on the guys chin and cheeks overtaking any other physical feature the decent guy might have. As you can tell I'm not such a fan. Nobody displays the unattractiveness that long beards can bring to a man like the Seattle Mariners' Dustin Ackley… He was a very attractive his first season, then took on this beast of a beard that makes him look sad, dirty, and frankly careless. Go look it up, I'm not exaggerating! (showing my bias maybe… but not exaggerating) And nobody displays the attractiveness of the "stubble look" like my amazing boyfriend… Just saying :) (there I go showing my bias again)
But to be totally honest I don't want to critique any guy on his facial hair. It is his face, he can do with it what he wants. It has no determination on his personality, his success in life or anything like that. Girls should not be placing so much worth on the guy's facial hair if they don't want guys placing so much worth in the size of their chest! Cause we all know that is the male equivalent of what us females do.
Now that No Shave November is over I felt I could share my opinion because I have seen enough guys on campus attempting beards for the special fall occasion!

Christmas Tree Hunting

For the first time in my life today I went to a real christmas tree farm and picked out a real tree to put in my aunt and uncle's house! Some of you may gasp at the thought of me going nineteen years without such an experience, but my whole life my parents have done the "fake tree" thing for various reasons. So when the opportunity arose for me to go with my aunt and uncle to a real christmas tree farm I took it!
I have to say, it was almost exactly like picking a pumpkin at the pumpkin patch! We walked up and down the muddy rows of trees inspecting each one, the same way you wander the rows of orange pumpkins in the fall. We marked about three trees we really liked and then decided on one that pleased everyone except my four year old cousin… cause she changed her mind on which tree she liked every two minutes… as to be expected. My uncle got down on his hands and knees and sawed the truck right apart. I followed behind them as they dragged the tree to the barn to pay for it. It was all very "stereotypical" of what I had seen on TV of tree hunting! They even sang christmas carols as they carried the tree! It was very exciting to say I was a part of it! We got the tree shaken of all the dead needles and promptly stuffed in in the back of their truck. With our cold muddy boots on and the tree snug in the back, we piled into the truck and headed off to get cheese burgers (from Five Guys… best burger place ever) and go home!
It was a great way to kick off the christmas season!

Final Projects

It has been a while since I've posted anything because my firsts semester here at college is coming to a close, and final projects and assignments are popping up everywhere! Leaving little time for any outside of school brain activity.
But I wanted to quickly share one thing about final projects that I have encountered before, and am in the middle of right now. I have a terrible tendency to scheme up these grand, creative, and unique project concepts whenever I am assigned a final project sort of thing. I constantly want to do something that the teacher doesn't suggest, that my classmates wouldn't think of. My whole K-12 school career I have constantly dreamed up these grand project or poster ideas, and they generally only work out half the time. Some of them are easy to execute, and meet the standards of my OCD brain. They take a fair amount of effort, and anytime a problem comes up I easily come up with a compromise and quickly adjust the project. The outcome is just how I imagined it and results in an outstanding effort grade. Then the other half of the time I try to make my idea come to life and it is as if all the supplies are working against me. The concept doesn't come together and the product looks like a kindergardener did it. Usually resulting in me in tears at 1 am trying to salvage whatever I was trying to do.
I have been assigned a final project to show how the corse communication concepts are applied in my life. The rubric is rather open ended, frankly giving me more freedom than I know what to do with, all I need are pictures and words in some form that communicate the concepts in my life. So leaving me with this vastly open ended rubric, I scheme up this grand showcase idea to make a pop-up shadow box with 3-D pics of my life and put it in a shoe box people can open and shut. It will be pretty cool! Except it is turning out to be one of those projects where I bit off more than I can chew. I am dedicating way more hours to this project than my peers. There is a small voice in my head that keeps saying "why didn't you just do an iMovie like everyone else!?" Some of my pictures won't stay up, I can't close the box all the way, and the tape isn't holding anywhere on the project. But I am in to deep now, I can't change it! The project must go on even at the expense of my sanity!

When will I ever learn!?….

Backspace

I found myself rescently reading through my past blog posts, and have come across a couple that I wanted to delete. Particularly one from over the summer. Not because the facts in it were wrong, not because I hate the person or anything. I just realized my view of the situation has changed, I can see looking back on the experience now that I was naive in my thoughts and selfish to the situation, as if I had blinders on my eyes and couldn't see beyond the here and now I was experiencing. I was admittedly also a little overly dramatic in said post. 

I still want to delete the post from my blog. I feel as though it is not relevant anymore, that person is no longer in my life and not for better or worse, no hard feelings, they just aren't and I have changed so much since then.

So why haven't I deleted it yet? 

That action kinda goes against my own philosophy... If I deleted that post it would be as if it were never part of my blog, as if it never happened. When in actuality it did happen. Deleting it from my blog will not delete it from my life. I can't just delete parts of my past or rewrite them with the perspective I have on the situation now. And since I can't do that in real life I won't do that on my blog. It will sit there and serve as a reminder to that moment in time during my life. I learned something from that experience, as I do every experience I write about. It can't be changed, so I will not change it from my blog. 

I want this blog to be as constantly changing, growing, and evolving as I am, and that entails leaving the unchangable experiences of the past right where they are, reflecting on them like I am doing now, and moving on from them like I will do as soon as I hit the little orange "publish" button on this post. 

Unnatural Human Tendency

I think humans are the only creatures on the planet who are stupid enough to willingly place a burning hot flat iron just centimeters from one of the most vital and vulnerable body parts (their neck) multiple times in order to apply outward beauty…. By that I mean we straighten our hair, at least us girls do. And when you really think about it that is all straightening your hair is! Frying your dead skin cells that make up your hair and repeatedly placing a boiling hot slab of metal next to your neck…
Just a random thought I had as I was shamelessly straightening my hair this morning! :)

One Thing Hollywood Got Right

I've gotta say, one stereotype California's Hollywood got right was that of the typical greek row on Halloween. We've all probably seen a number of movies that have the crazy parties in greek row, with the skimpily (to put it nicely) dressed girls running from fraternity to fraternity, groups of guys ascending upon the fraternity doors as if it was their lives mission to get to those previously mentioned girls, and the neighborhood streets littered with red solo cups and broken remains of girl's various costumes.
After experiencing my first Halloween here at a major college I am here to tell you that stereotype is completely true! I had the luxury of walking around and observing greek row with a very good friend and while we were both completely sober, I might add. We passed multiple groups of girls dressed in every costume imaginable, as long as it barely covered their butts and showed enough cleavage to leave nothing to the imagination. I believe those were the only standards. I counted over 20 "playboy bunny" costumes throughout the night. The worst I saw was a girl walking in stiletto heels, a black spandex-underwear-like thing on her bottom half, and a santa top JUST like the one in the movie Elf that Buddy picks out for his dad (If you don't understand that reference you need a reality check) Behind every swarm of girls closely followed a drunk group of guys wearing half hearted costumes. Cause lets be honest, what guys wear on Halloween doesn't matter as much as what girls wear… At least not on greek row. The streets were loud, people drunkenly shouting to their friends down the street, people walking down the street and cars honking. There was a lot of various trash on the ground, a LOT of red solo cups. The occasional siren would go off, but because of the sheer volume of people out, I kind of assumed the polices efforts were all for not that night.
I was more mesmarised by the scene of greek row on Halloween then anything on television that night. People watching at its finest.
This occurred all week long I might add, since Halloween was on a thursday, people went out on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. It is commonly referred to here as HalloWeek.
That is definitely not my scene, it is all to much for me, but it was fun to walk around and gain some serious perspective. And they were all so wrapped up in where they were going, or maybe just to drunk to notice my friend and I just walking around fully clothed up and down the streets.
Interesting Halloween to say the least.

"The One"

Do you think that everyone finds "the one"? That one special person who fits you like a puzzle piece and immediately makes your life complete? Does everyone get that undeniable tug on their heart when they see "the one" that draws them towards that person as if a magnet had just found its way to the refrigerator? Does everybody find that one person? Or are there just the lucky few that do, and the rest just settle? Is there really "the one" or are there many you could be equally compatible with and it is just chance as to which one you meet? What are the chances of finding "the one" if there is such a thing?
I don't really have the answers to all those questions… I have a few thoughts…
I have a hard time believing there is just one person meant for one other person, because there is no way all the right people would meet their person in this world! It's to big! But I kind of believe there are few people in this world that would work for everybody, and the chances of finding one out of that handful of possibilities is still slim, but better. Kinda takes the romance of "the one" out of it all, but what can I say. It's what my logical brain thinks. I also believe over half the population settles. They, for whatever reason, have found someone who will do simply because they feel the need to settle down quickly, desperately crave love and connection and don't want to wait any longer, and have found a person who meets half of their check list who is somewhat in the same boat. These relationships make it just fine for the most part, but seem to be missing something, and I've never been able to place just what. That leave the rest of the population as what I refer to as the lucky ones, who find someone and experience this undeniable and unexplainable attraction to a person, when they have found their magnet… They are those couples everyone aspires to be like, the source of the settling couples' aspiration and/or desperation, and have a radiance about them that is unexplainable. I undoubtably believe there is human capability for an above-average connection with another person. And I think everyone finds it at a different time in their life. Some find it in middle school, some are the stereotypical and statistically improbable high school sweet-hearts, many are college lovers, and some are fully fledged working class adults. No time in life is to early or late to find that magically strong connection, I just think that a lot of people never reach that connection or are to impatient or untrusting to find it. It is a special thing when two people experience it though. I have to believe that both parties feel it as well, it's never really a one sided thing. Both partners experience the same eventual feelings and it makes the relationship this awesome, open, and easy experience. As if all the guess work and "games" are thrown out the window… The two just connect.
I hesitate to use the word supernatural, but there is something bigger than us putting all of these connections together, that is for sure.
I personally will never settle until my heart feels that tug and my soul softly whispers "oh, there you are! I've been looking for you my whole life." I would urge anyone reading this not to settle, just cause one person found "the one" sooner than you, doesn't make you any lesser, it just means God is still orchestrating his grand plan. Listen to your heart, and you might find "the one" that God has placed in front of you.

Time and Perspective

Time is the ultimate giver of perspective. It makes it so you can look back on experiences and see them in a way you were never aware of while you were living in that moment. Time is ever illusive, and something that astounds me when I really sit down and think about it. Time is a deceptive thing... I can be sitting in class for two hours and it can feel like two days, I can spend two months hanging out with one person and it can feel like just two hours went by. As a college student time is precious, it seems as if the hours of the day are permanently stuck on fast forward, you get done with the week and it strikes you that you can't even remember monday, it feels like weeks ago, and you are able to have a whole new perspective on the problems you were facing monday, possibly even look back and see why things were the way they were, why a situation occurred and what you can learn from it. Perspective can show you how wrong you could have been about a person, or a situation, and how good something else can be. Shed light on why what you thought was right, was all wrong. Perspective can show you what life methods worked for you and what didn't. Perspective is an ongoing learning tool, one that can easily be overlooked but when paired with time, can lead to unequivocal benefits. Like letting go of regret, of hatred, of grudges, or of sadness.
We as humans spend a lot of time reminiscing about the time we spent doing things in the past, as well as planning the way we will use our future time. I think we do this more than focusing on the present time and place because we are able to gain perspective on those situations. Where as when we focus on the time here and now, we lack perspective, we more than likely lack the insight into our actions, others' actions, or why a situation is occurring. And to us, that's not as fun... But I try to do it on the daily, because I think it is important to acknowledge the here and now, acknowledge the people around me, my feelings, and even though I may not understand why all the things around me are happening, I know I will get through them, and as time passes, I will gain perspective on it all.

Time is something to be thankful for and perspective is something to look forward to and acknowledge once achieved.

Should've named me Grace

Everyone has those less than elegant moments of their life, let me just get right to the fact that I had a pretty big one last night.
I was walking up a simple staircase with another human of the opposite gender. We were joking around and having fun when I said "how many steps can you reach in one step?" As if to challenge him.... He extends his leg up the staircase and plants it firmly four steps up from where we were. As impressed as I was, the competitor inside me wanted to out do him... So I grasp the hand rail to my right and extend my leg five steps up from where we were. Stuck in this position for a second I had to gather up the strength and focus to hoist myself to the step using the guard rail. As soon as my back foot lifted off the ground, I went swinging off balance into the guard rail, slamming my head into the top, and my knee into the side. I guess I overestimated my balance and strength and underestimated that stupid fifth step. Before I could even really grasp what happened I got myself up, and he was frantically making sure I was ok! For a second I was numb from embarrassment and confusion. Nothing was truly hurt except my pride. I tried my hardest to play it cool as we slowly made our way up the rest of the staircase. As the evening went on my knee pain grew and grew, my head stayed relatively pain free. But I couldn't release the memory of the incident out of my head. How awkward and stupid the motion looked, what it must have looked like to him, what it sounded like, or how I tried to play it off.
When I was a child, and I did something ungraceful, my grandma would laugh and say "should've named you grace" cause obviously I was lacking some of that in whatever that particular incident was.
As I retired to my dorm room that night, I had two thoughts.
The first, "Its a good sign he continued to hang out with me after that moment... right!? Means I haven't totally fended him off yet! :)" The second was simply replaying the fall in my head with my grandmas voice over it all going "should've name you Grace!"

Musical Mood

I am a firm believer in matching every mood I have with music. I think there is a song for everything I am feeling at any given moment. Sometimes I am in a particular mood and I can't find a song or genre that matches it, and I get severely frustrated. I honestly can't do any other substantial task until I have satisfied my musical mood. It helps get whatever emotion I am feeling out, because I am not good at expressing emotions, I am more than willing to let music do it for me.
When I am in a generally happy mood, I tap into Eric Hutchinson, Colbie Caillet, One Direction (they are very upbeat and light hearted and cute, don't judge me), some Mumford and Sons, maybe a little One Republic, or bring it way back to the Barenaked Ladies!
When I am in a hopeless romantic mood I start out in a Ben Rector sort of mood. As the relationship grows I move into Lady Antebellum/Sugarland mixed with other random country love songs, and then soar into the desperately hopeless romantic soundtrack of classic Taylor Swift, finally, though I have never reached this point in a romantic relationship, I've always imagined at the final stretch it's a very Micheal Buble sort of feeling.
When I am in an angry/pump-up sort of mood, I gravitate towards a lot of older Maroon 5, We the Kings, and ultimately the All American Rejects round out that category.
When I feel relaxed, or am trying to achieve a tasks like a homework assignment or clean my room, I gravitate towards easy listening about life. A lot of John Mayer, Jason Mraz, and Jack Johnson come up. More Ben Rector and the smoother songs of Maroon 5 come into play. Those type of songs that make you contemplate the lyrics or something about life to distract me from the task I am presently doing.
There are a few exceptions, for example, disney music is always a good choice, regardless of my mood. And during the christmas holiday season, every genre of music goes on the back burner to make room for christmas music.... A category of music in which I am fully stalked! Keep in mind sometimes moods flow into each other and I mix two categories to match my mood. It really helps me sort through what I am feeling at any given time. If you are someone who doesn't like to talk about their feelings, or doesn't like to show emotion, this is a great outward escape. So go out and find YOUR musical mood!

Excited

I have just been feeling really excited lately. I can't quite explain it all. I get up every morning and there is something to look forward to every day! Be it a simple coffee date with a friend, getting a nap in during the middle of the day, getting to go to on-campus events with friends, maybe a special food in the dinning hall, or getting to Skype with friends/family back home. Whatever it is I wake up excited every day and find myself motivated by that one event. This mentality has not always been around, I can't really remember feeling this way as often in high school. It might just be that everything here at college is still a little new and exciting, but I feel like this mentality will stick around for a while.... I can't explain it. The people in my life make me look forward to facing the day. I have the undying support of family and my faith, thats enough to make any day exciting in itself.

I don't know.... I look forward to the little things each and every day. It seems as if each day gets more and more exciting, there is a lot to look forward to. My dad is coming to visit, my friends and I have fun things planned, and every day just gets me closer to some other exciting thing! I feel stuck in a perpetually good and excited mood. I hope it never goes away!

Facebook Rules for Older People

So, I have been having an ongoing issue with the older generation population on facebook. Mainly with their lack of knowledge when it comes to facebook etiquette. Many of my older "Facebook friends" are extended family or church family who I love and cherish with all my heart but seriously wish they would "get with the program" and use facebook etiquette! This is my message to them, and anyone else it may apply to.
For starters, STOP reposting those spam statuses that are like "everyone can see everything on your facebook page unless you jump through these 20 hoops, unfriend half your friends, sign a blood oath, and give up your first born child." (A little dramatic, but you get the picture) Those kind of statuses have no truth to them. If you really want to know about your privacy settings, go to your privacy settings and look! Posting those statuses to your wall announces to the world you were to naive to understand what it was really saying and to lazy to see if what it was saying was true.
Secondly, there is a huge difference in implication between liking a post and commenting on a post. When you think someone is doing something cool, or you agree with what they say, or find what they posted to be funny, you "like" it. The little like icon on the bottom left side of the post. Generally you only comment on a post if you have something to add, or if you were part of the experience they talked about. If the post was a question and you have an answer, then it is all ok too!
The third piece is, DO NOT comment on posts of people you do not know. For instance, if I am tagged in a post by my friend Kate cause we went on a coffee run or something, and my cousin Rey does not know Kate and is not associated with the coffee run we took together, it is generally understood Rey would not comment on that post. It would be acceptable to "like" the status, because he like or cares about what I, his cousin, is up to. But if Rey comments on the post, and possibly makes reference to something Kate doesn't know, it becomes awkward because it was Kate's post to begin with. Now all her friends can see that comment too. Now, if I had been the one to post about Kate and I having an adventure, since I am directly connected and facebook friends with Rey, it would be acceptable for him to comment on it.
Also, not everything you see on facebook NEEDS to be commented on! That is the beauty of the like button. You can acknowledge you have seen what I or my friends have posted. Try to find the right delicate balance between the comment and like ratio.
It should also be noted, when you do decide to comment, (and it should be considered before hand whether you even need to comment at all) the comment should be on topic and relate to the post! If I make a status about Kate and I's coffee run, and Rey decides to comment something like " I love coffee! Passed by the coffee stand as I was picking out some fruit for a fruit salad today that I had to make for my church picnic. It was a hot day, so the picnic didn't last long! Did your church ever get their front sign fixed?" Now all my friends who liked my status know how cousin Rey's day went... There is no need for that. I still want to here about his day, and would be glad to answer his question, but thats the beauty of private message over facebook! That is what that is for! So all your facebook friends don't have to hear about Rey's life! They frankly don't all care.

I have been experiencing a lot of breaching in facebook etiquette lately. So I had to get this off my chest. Keep in mind photos are ALWAYS good to comment on, and when commenting positive things it is always appreciated. But when a comment has nothing to do with the people in it, and the commenter doesn't know the people, it gets weird... For some reason the younger generation innately knows this stuff and agrees with it. Is it because we have kind of grown up with it and the older generation hasn't? Hmmmm....

Perks of Cleaning

Don't get me wrong, if given the opportunity, I would hire a personal maid to wash and/or clean everything for the rest of my life. I mean, who wouldn't!?
Since that opportunity hasn't arrived yet, I am stuck doing the weekly cleaning chores as are most adults in this world. To make those mundane chores a little better I have decided to note the little things that I like about cleaning, it makes the motivation to do the chores stronger and maybe even do them faster than I would if I completely loathed them!
Here it goes:
~Washing Dishes: My hands come out so soft and smell so good when I am done!
~Dusting: I like to dusk when I haven't sneezed in a while, or my nose keeps threatening to sneeze, it really gets it all out! :)
~Doing Laundry: There is very little in this world I enjoy more than a warm pile of clean laundry, the smell and feel is just so soothing to me. I am notorious for taking naps in freshly done laundry back home. I actually look forward to doing laundry purely for that reason!
~Vacuuming: I kinda like the suction power of the little extension hose when getting at the corners of the room, the couch, or the leg of my unsuspecting sister. It is also a good excuse to not have to engage in conversation with people!
~Clutter Clean up: This is fun because I get distracted by the things I'm actually putting away... "oh THATS where that went!" is a common phrase...
~Cleaning the Bathtub: ....... Nope.... I got nothing, that chore just sucks. I simply put headphones in and hope it goes quickly....

Until I win the lottery I will have to keep this list in mind! Haha, time to rotate my laundry!

My Dormitory Hall

Ok, I don't usually like to flat out complain about any situation in my life, I like to find the silver lining in the situation, and will try to focus on that. But not today... this post is purely everything I can't stand about my dorm hall. Keep in mind I am not talking about my dorm as a whole, I just have a particularly annoying hall!
First off, it smells weird all the time. It has a different smell to it everyday, sometimes identifiable and other times not. My nose is on overload as I come through the door and work my way to my room which is an agonizingly distant walk from the entrance of the hall. Secondly, the bathroom is a dingy pepto-bismol pink tile from ceiling to floor. The grout honestly hasn't been cleaned in decades, almost all the drains are caked in hair (to be expected with 20-something girls using it), the trash is always over flowing, and the showers are small and don't drain well. Our windows do not have screens on them, so bugs continuously raid into our room and disturb me.
My hall mates are 90% sorority members, who spend their week nights out on greek row, and be sure I am aware of their presents when they return at 2:30 am. They are obnoxiously loud in the most random hours of the night. I believe they set a new record this past weekend, when they arrived back around 6:30 am! There is a girl who lives on the other end of the hall who constantly shouts things, and today she went screaming the F-word up and down the hall early in the morning.... Really!? That's all I had to say about that... We also have a laundry schedule for the one washer and dryer we have on our floor, and nobody seems to adhere to it. Each week I sign up for a time, and am promptly there to find someone else already put their clothes in. Like this evening, I was signed up for 9 o'clock, and I got there at 9:10 to find someones clothes in the middle of a wash cycle... Is there no regard for a schedule and structure anymore!? UGH!

Urge to Travel

What is it about college that makes so many people get the urge to travel? 

I've noticed a lot of people of all backgrounds here and at other schools have this incling to travel abroad. Myself included. 

Is it the fact that we are supposedly in the "prime of our lives", have no dependents, and are in a learning environment that offers the ability to travel? That may be so... Those factors are probably a major influencer in that department. I also think it's such an epidemic among my peers and I because we are, for most of us, stepping out into our own life, and in order to find that life, discover who you are, what you wish to embody, and how you want to go about living your own indivisible life, we see the need to travel abroad and experience other things. 

I think a trip to another country would change anyone's life. There is something special afforded to the fortunate few who have the financial means and allotted time to travel abroad. Their lives are forever changed. You can see it. Can't say I'm not jealous of those people! I want to experience the change in my life view they do!

There are probably a lot of reasons college students get a strong urge to travel the world. Enough reasons to fill this entire blog ten times over.

I have this strong unexplainable desire to travel... I have an open heart and mind, just happen to have an empty wallet! HaHa! The urge to travel is strong none-the-less!

Welcome to the Big Leagues

A pitcher never walks on to the mound without preparation. He always has a ball in his hand, a mitt on his other, and always walks out to the mound with a game plan in his head. Every game for that pitcher from that rookie year first pitch on matters. He is affected by the choices he has made to get him there and he controls the type of pitcher he wants to be, on and off the field.
It has been impressed upon me in more way than one that dating in college is vastly different and vastly superior to dating in high school. I am just now beginning to understand that sentiment. Welcome to the big leagues of the dating world, I tell myself..... Because the possibility that you will marry the person you pursue and date is much more likely. Some people only date with the intention of getting married while others date just for the sake of dating. I'm finding that it is really important to decide what you are looking for in a college relationship before you go on pursueing one. It is important to decide what is of value to you, that is essential to a happy relationship for you, and what isn't.

For me personally, I am not interested in dating just for the sake of dating. I did a small bit of that in high school, got it out of my system and learned lots about myself along the way. I have simply decided that in this college environment I need to only focus on the relationships that have a chance of going somewhere. I also have set a few parameters for guys that I had not previously embodied as strongly as I should have. A better way of putting it is, with the help of some of my amazing new friends, I have set higher standards and am holding to them. The first one being he has to be of my faith. Before college I had the motto of "to each his own" when it came to religion, but seeing all the brokeness around campus and bad relationships, I want no part of it, and having a relationship grounded in faith will ensure a lot of that will go away. Plus I have great faith role models here on campus who are showing me what joy a true faith based relationship can bring. The other is he has to be genuine and kind, meaning no putting on an act to impress me. I know guys desire to do this to make them seem better than they are, but no deep connection can happen when someone is wearing a mask. Being kind basically entails he is aware of and cares for the people around him. Finally, he has to know about or play, or have played baseball. Some of you reading this might think that's to narrow of a standard to put up, but baseball and fastpitch is a part of my life. It is a hobby and somewhat of an obsession of mine. If he can't relate to it at all that would just be not fun!

Many of you may think I am being prudish in these demands in a guy. I get that. But setting these parameters gaurd me from making past mistakes and from entering into a relationship that isn't as meaningful and God-loving as I've seen relationships can be. I know these demands can be met through trust, prayer, and by a little bit of work on my part. I'm actually excited to see where this all goes!

Welcome to the big leagues of the dating world... Play Ball!

Last day being age 18...

As my birthday fast approaches, I am forced to reflect on the past year, and the one that is still yet to come, the only difference being my age changes from 18 to 19. Now, I've written my opinion on birthdays in a previous post. Feel free to read that! But this is more about reflection and movie forward with age and life. 

It feels like an entire lifetime ago that I turned 18, I was surrounded by completely different people and in a completely different place, I hadn't even applied to college yet! Things in my life were about to take a huge roller coaster ride after my 18th birthday. Seriously, right after I turned 18 Things began to move quickly, life got more real, choices became harder and more significant, people changed all around me, and I was learning to take on a whole new level of independence. 

Sitting here in my dorm room now, I am confident in saying I made it out ok, at least by my standards. Lord know I had an immense amount of help and support along the way, but the end result of my 18th year is simply me, sitting in my dorm room, surrounded by all new people, in an all new place, all by my own choosing. Pretty remarkable huh? 

Had I know the amount of crazy and awesome change that was about to occur on my 18th birthday I don't know if I would have chosen to blow those candles out or run as fast as possible in the other direction! I'm glad we humans lack the ability to know the future in that respect, but I am aware that my major life changes are still happening and I am still adapting to my new life, leaving me to wonder, what this 19th year of life will bring. Wondering how it could possibly be more random and life altering than my 18th year. 

Going to spend my final day reflecting upon that all (and study for a sociology test) and when I wake up the next day, I will be 19! Weird! 

Remembering

Remembering loved ones is difficult. It is painful, it is hurtful, it is confusing, it is draining, sad, happy, and everything in between. 

The memory of that person will never go away. That's what annoys me the most. Nothing but memories with them repeat in your head, with no hope of creating new memories ever. The idea of said loved one never fades. Not that you want to forget about them by any means, but sometimes it might feel better if we didn't remember them so well! You know?

 In your head you continuously play your favorite shared life events of that person, remembering big things like their personality, their style, their voice, as well as trivial things, like how they smelled, what it felt like to hold their hands, or how their hug is comparable to no one else's on earth!

I guess we should thank God for the time we got with our loved ones, and look to him for support in the sad waves of grief that inevitably crash over us all at random points.

Don't get me wrong, I do just that. But there is no shame in admitting to God and to yourself that remembering them is hard sometimes... No silver lining about it...

Freshman College Observations (Part 2)

Having been at this whole college thing all of one month now, I have a whole slew of new observations, ones that I may have noticed in the beginning, but wanted to solidify that they were actual things and not just happenstance that day. So here they are!

~Getting packages and letters is one of the most exciting things to happen to you all week!

~Sunday is a day usually reserved for sleeping in, doing homework, and being lazy. So the dorm hallway is unually busy! My room is at the end of the hall, so I have to pass everyone in order to get to the bathroom and back, this is quite the adventure because it seems as if everyone is blasting their own music, and watching tv. My walk this morning started out with bruno mars, moved to some depressing indy music, then to hard rap, and around to Jason Durulo, then turns into some country remix, and I finally arrive at my room! The hall is also full of purfume smells, air freshoners, and food smells cause everyone is just hanging around. Sunday is a good people watching sorta day.

~College kids are simpletons at heart, all it takes to make us happy is a slice of pizza and a mini basketball hoop in the middle of the room! Seriously, it does not take much to put us in a happy place, where normal income earning adults would be disatisfied with the minimal things it takes to make us excited.

~Pizza is the staple of college life.

~For some reason beyond my comprehension anytime past 1 am. is an exceptable time to shout and talk really loudly anywhere on campus so that those kids sleeping wake-up and hear what you have to say.... -_-

~Making plans is a very unstructured type of thing. Everybody is innately "go-with-the-flow." On any given moment people just get up to go do something, play something, or eat something. Nothing is really planned in advance, which was a learning curve for me.

~There is a sort of college lingo to each individual college. You learn the general nick names to everything, and learn the language of the campus, and then when you go talk to your friends and family back home you sound super crazy cause they have no idea what "taking the mall over to flicks to meet my village mates from thrive" means! (It means I walked across campus to the diner to meet with friends from church) hahaha. Not only have I been guilty of this, many of my friends off at different colleges have done it to me.

~You'll find you have a favorite shower out of your options in the bathroom, and if you are like me, will wait until its free even if the others are open.

Food For Thought

Today, I met this guy in my communications class, and we were told to discuss with one another the effect choices we make have on our lives, and the effect chance has on our life's course. How much of it is us, and how much of it is the world around us.
He disclosed to me that he believes things you chose dictate the type of things that happen to you by chance. He told me when he was in high school he came out to his parents as gay, and they pretty much disowned him. He went through the last two years of high school living alone and got into college on his own. Every day he wishes his parents would accept him for who he is, but he has to live with the choice he made to tell them. It deeply saddens me that there are people like his parents out there, that would completely shun someone for being different than they are. It's especially sad when it is a parent and child dynamic. I simply can't fathom having my parent's shun me for any reason, especially not a reason I had no choice in choosing, being disowned for being who I am.
I'm so glad I have parent's that unconditionally love me, a heavenly father that unconditionally loves me, and wish nothing less for everyone else in the world.

He did stress later in the conversation, that if he could change anything about the choice he made he would not. He said he loves who HE is whether other people do or not, and being out on his own for so long and so much earlier than his peers has given him the opportunity to do amazing things like go skydiving, travel Europe, and make new friends he might have not otherwise gotten the chance to! In his words "life sucks sometimes, but we go on"....

Chewing Gum

I'm going to be real with you guys. Not many people may be able to relate to this post, but it needs to be relased from my brain, and I finally have the time to sit down and articulate it.

I have a love/hate relationship with the act of chewing gum. I define a love/hate relationship as something that you do on multiple occations that you don't think you hate until you are in the process of whatever that thing is and you suddenly remember all the things you hate about it.

Chewing gum starts out great. I often put it in my mouth to relieve a bad taste (a.k.a. coffee breath) or relieve anxiety I feel about a situation I am in. The flavor bursts in my mouth, tingling up and down my tounge, leaving my cheeks to absorb the flavor and reverberate it back to my mouth over and over again as the chewy substance pulls at my teeth as if it was it's life mission to make my jaw stick together, yet the incredible power of my jaw yanks the gum up and down on an unmistakable rythm only I create. It's an experience to say the least. This process continues for a solid half hour, making the consistancy of the gum stiffer with each clasp of the jaw, and the flavor increasingly present in my mouth. But this experience only lasts a half hour, at best. My jaw begins to get tired of the chewing, and the bursts of flavor deaden into an almost unpleasantly plastic-like taste. I do not enjoy this taste, and try to distract myself from it by mutilationg my gum in all sorts of ways with my toung and teeth, as if I am going to re-create the same enjoyment I experienced when I first put the gum in my mouth. I weave it in and out of my teeth, make tiny bubbles, etc.... Usually I am unsuccessful and get genuinly annoyed the gum is in my mouth at that point! I find the quickest route to a trash can and as if with every step I take, the gum gets unexplainably worse! By the time I spit it out, the tastes has become seemingly toxic and the gum itself has hardened to an un-pleasurable chewing point.

That is genuinely what I go through every time I chew gum. It starts out as love and tragically ends as hate.

Fall Goal

If you have not read my previous post titled "Summer Goal" please do so because I will be referencing it in this post. 

I have concluded that my summer has pretty much come to an end. Though, the weather is kindly sticking around, I am in full school mode! So it no longer feels like summer to me! 

With the end of summer comes time for reflection on how I did trying to achieve my summer goal! I am happy to report I succeeded with flying colors! I did something I have never done before every day! It was a challenge on those kind of days where I had no specific plans, or no intention of leaving the house. I had to get creative with those days. But then there were days when I was on vacation in a place I had never been to before and I was doing something new all day! I made countless memories with friends and family this summer, and I hope to do it again next year. It is a great way to grow and learn about yourself! 

As the fall season really really picks up here in college. I am still doing a lot of new things I have never done before, but a lot of it is awkward and uncomfortable. Meeting new people and forgetting their names, having to speak in front of a lecture class of 200 people or more, I could go on about the impossibly awkward and embarrassing situations I've already encountered. Yet, each situation I look back on as a learning opportunity. Even if it was an inwardly painful one! So this fall I'm making it my goal to intentionally put myself in an awkward or uncomfortable situation (that doesn't purposefully make another person feel awkward and uncomfortable) at least ONCE a week! In hopes that these experiences will push me to be more comfortable in new or unfamiliar situations! I'll even start today, as I am going to a church youth picnic with a ton of people I barely know off campus! Yay for awkward conversation! 

My Internet Friends

This post is sort of a not to my previous post called "my internet distractions" except this one focuses on the people (mostly on YouTube) I watch religoiously. It may sound weird, and I know they have no idea I exist, but, I feel like I know the people on these channels, and I am invested in their lives. It's kinda freaky. But let me introduce you to my internet friends!

Jenna Marbles- I first started watching her my sophomore year of high school, and have never stopped. She is an empowered female YouTube comedian who makes a living off of her channel. She inspires me to be more outgoing and embrace myself for who I am, cause I watch her do it every week. She tells it how it is, and in a comedic relief sotra way. She also has two dogs named Marbles and Kermit, who complete her life and her videos. Though, you can tell when she is going through life problems, cause she usually dies her hair some strange way and says the F-word a lot more in her videos.

Girl Code- An increasingly popular tv show on MTV where a group of female comedians talk about the "rules" of being a girl, why we do what we do, say what we say, and help decipher guys for us. I seriously have learned so much about dating, guys, and life in general from these girls. I follow almost all of them on Twitter! If you are a young girl, I highly recommend this one!

CTFXC (Charles and Allie Trippy) - I came across these two because of their epic marriage proposal on YouTube. But after watching it I wanted to know more about them and their life. They are incredibly interesting people, and they vlog their daily lives. I have watched them travel the world, get married, move into a house, join a band, tour with the band, get sick, go shopping, get coffee, you name it, I've watched them do it. (ok, that sounded way creepier than I wanted it to...)
But they have been keeping track since day one of blogging and are up to day 1578!

SXEPhill (Phillip DeFranco)- "Newsy type stuff and things that matter to me today"
That is how he opens up every video. Now, Phil is one of the most successful YouTubers out there. I remember starting out watching him in his house making videos by himself about news stories that captured his attention and wanted to share with his viewers. Now he has an office and a studio and a production team to help him out. I'm pretty sure he has interns who find him stories. He does talk shows now, and public speaking events. All because he started telling the news in a fun and informative way. I learn the coolest most random stuff on there. He also talks a lot about hot women, which I don't really care about, but I guess some do.
I thouroghly enjoy checking up on Phil.

VlogBrothers (John and Hank Green)- These are two brothers who are fully grown, and live separate lives in separate states who started making videos every week to each other about random thoughts they had. They cover any sort of topic they want, and throughout the years I've watched them starts charities on behalf of Nerfighters who died and start world saving projects to make the world suck less. (BTW, NerdFighters are what they affectionately call their viewers) I have learned a lot from their videos as well as been entertained by their awkwardly funny and nerdy brotherly relationship!

ASAPscience- This is a Youtube channel that explains things using simple yet understandable drawings on a white board, that is then time lapsed into a video. They explain scientific things such as "Brain Tricks" and explain things like "why we hit the snooze button" or "the power of procrastination." I learn more in their 2 minute science videos than I did all year in my biology class. I also have a crush on the narrators voice.... #IsThatWeird (Girl Code reference)

Go Check them all out and fall in love with them as much as I have! Hope to go to Vidcon someday and meet them all!

Being a Girl

From my perspective, being a girl is single handedly the best and worst thing possible.
As I'm sure you've gathered I love to people watch, and observe the inately natural yet impulsively annoying nature of my peers. There is something differnet about every social group and social setting I am in, something unique. So I would like to share with you, my readers, my ammature yet somewhat insightful oppinion on girls, what the pro and cons seem to be to me, and my experience with the girls in my age group (late high school - college)

Let's begin with the pros. We generally care about how we look, smell, and carry ourselves. We give complements, even if we do not know one another, and it's not weird. Hugging is completely appropriate for every occasion! Just saw your friend at Target?.... HUG! New movie came out with your favorite actor in it and you are pumped?.... HUG! Won't see your BFF untl tomorrow?..... HUG! Havn't seen your BFF for more than 12 hours?.... HUG!
I think you get the point.
As females we also have an unspoken "girl code" that we use to communicate with other females around us. Certain glances and facial expressions give off messages I swear we are born inately knowing. We are great communicators, and can find common ground with people easily! Girls also get doors held open for them! I personally love this about being a girl! It's not only polite on the gentleman's part, but scores him some inner brownie points!
We are nice, innately friendly, smell good, care about others, and have this cool code we all understand.

Simultaniously, we are an accumulation of some of the worste things on the planet. Though we freely give complements and nobody bats a meticulously manucured eyelash, many times these complements can be back-handed or empty. Unless you really know the girl, you might never know if the complement was genuine. We are tricky that way. As a gender we generally care TO MUCH about the way we carry ourselves, act, or dress. As girls, we are guilty of using our gender to get us things we want from guys. Even if it's something as simple as getting the remote from accross the room cause we are lazy. We can be devious like that. We also gossip about other people to much. We've made our morning routine ten times harder on ourselves by adding hot irons, hair and eye lash curlers, hair dyes, tweezers, and make-up to it.... Periods are a thing.... Enough said.
We are flirtatiously deceiving, overly complicated, and irrational and hellaciously judgmental.

This creates a wonderful and terrifying combination that all the guys have to watch out for! Yet, even with all the things I hate about being a girl (believe me there is more than I typed out here) I wouldn't trade it for the alternative ever! Cause the guys are a completely different set of pros and cons in themselves! But that's a list for another time.

Freshman College Observations (Part 1)

These are just things I have learned, observed, dealt with, and experienced during my first week here at college, or as the rest of the world would call it, university.

~Going to a major university with something like 25,000 other students, I had many people tell me I would never see people from my old high school. That is so false it is ridiculous! It's about at true a statement as the "I agree I have read the terms and conditions" statement at the bottom of the page that nobody actually reads! I have seen everyone I know coming here from my old high school, and the surrounding schools from my area! YOU WILL SEE PEOPLE YOU KNOW! Whether you want to or not!

~Homesickness hits in random unexpected waves. One second I am sitting there listening to my professor explain her grading scale, and the next I am getting choked up and want nothing more than to hug my mom.... I hate being emotional in general, so to be hit at random times makes me feel almost blind sided by my own body.

~If you are left handed, get to class early and get one of the rare left handed desks! They do exists but you have to search for them!

~Sororities and Fraternities really are all the stereotypes the movies portray them to be.

~The sorority girls all look the same, dress the same, and party the same. Apparently tuesday night is the preferred party night, kinda random if you ask me!

~There is always that one dorm you are extremely jealous of, because its better, prettier, and cooler than yours in every way!

~Scheduling is all up to you, when you study, how you study, who you study with, it's all up to you. I find this very freeing! The teacher is no longer enforcing certain types of notes that they may find helpful but you frankly find annoying and impractical. (or was that just me?) You are the master!

~With power comes responsibility. You really do have to use you free time to study and be responsible...

~Falling off your lofted bed is completely possible when waking up in the morning...

~It's not a matter of "If you lock yourself out of your room" it is a matter of "when you lock yourself out of your room."

~Your room mate really does not have to be your best friend, it might be better that way. Just set boundaries early.

Diversity and Me

Having now spent a week here on my new college campus, I am settling in quite nicely to my surroundings. Don't get me wrong, I have had to make major life adjustments and find new ways to do simple tasks I took for granite back home. But that is not what this post is about, this is about me and my experience settling into my life surrounded by all different types of people!

I never realized how little I knew about the world until my university brought the world to my fingertips, and I simply knew not what to do with it...

Being a major state university really opens up a diversity door I think a lot of small colleges and private institutions don't have. Over the past week I have encountered at least one person from 14 other states, 2 countries, and someone from every sexual orientation there is to be accounted for. I have met varsity athletes, inner-city kids who beat all odds and statistics thrown at them about furthering their education, I have met muslims, catholics, mormons, christian, and Buddhists. Every race humanly possible is accounted for and surrounded by this fruit salad of people, is little old "plain-jain" suburban as can be, me. I enjoy the change of pace very much.

Before I came here I considered myself to be worldly. As it turns out I was worldly compared to my narrow perception given to me by my very un-diverse community back home. Being here and talking to all these new people made me realize how little I know about music, other people's religion, and how rural communities differ from major cities. I feel like a horse that has just had it's blinders lifted from its eyes!

I'm not saying I'm about to engage in activities with all these different groups, because classes are about to start and one would simply not have time to become a varsity athlete who does greek row volunteer work while practicing buddhism and christianity with inner city kids on the way to an LGBTQ rally on the quad! HaHaHa, that would be something wouldn't it!? I am saying though, that I am in awe of the opportunity to be around all these different people, and hopefully I will become a better, smarter, and more enriched human being by understanding where each diverse person that is different from me. I struggle to understand how all these different and diverse people can co-exsist under one university and then manage to (sometimes on an extreme level) hate one another in the "real world." I try to grow from the fact that all these religions and stereotypes and races can co-exsist under one university.

Going into the first day of class I will walk in confident in my ability to learn and humbled by the vast amount of cultural knowledge I know my fellow peers and professors have to offer that I have yet to grasp.

Enjoying Organized Chaos

Having spent six days in my new "home away from home" (a.k.a. my dorm room) I have come to realize this is like my inner OCD organized personality's ultimate dream! An entire room, with all entirely my stuff, and all the time in the world to sit and figure out how I want to organize it! It is super fun!

I find myself loving organizing my desk drawers! Deciding the most functional was to use the small space, deciding where I want certain shelves and what I want in them.

Honestly, I spent multiple hours putting pictures up cause I had to get the perfect sequence of pictures and balance between sizes and colors and who is in the pictures!

Laying in bed thinking about my schedule for the next day, knowing I have nobodies agenda in mind but my own, and that I am capable of anything I need/want to accomplish here on campus.

It really has been exciting knowing nobody is going to come along and change my set up, it's purely the way I want it and the way I set it... Functional for me and me alone!

The strangest part of it all and possibly the coolest part of it all, is that from this point forward, I am the decider. I get to decide the functionality and the organization of not only my dorm, but my life! My education, my friends, my schedule, my job, everything! The freedom and responsibility actually excites my in a "control freak" sorta way. Yet, the realist inside of me is trying to point out the daunting aspect of it all, but for now, I choose to yield the power to the overly excited OCD half of myself who is enjoying this immense control I have over my living situation!

College Freshman Probs after 48 hours...

While a lot of things have been great about my first two days on my college campus, I have experience afar share of mishaps since I arrived as well. I could make a list of all the awesome things I've done or seen and the cool people I've met, but my misfortunes seem to be more entertaining! So here are all the interesting misfortunes I've experienced so far.

When I walked into my room for the first time, I was met  by my room mate staring at a spider on the wall... and I DON'T do spiders. So my dad had to go kill it before I came back into my room. Great start right!?

I broke the shelving system I brought to put under my bed. Which my dad had to fix....

I went to take my first shower in the hall bathroom. But halfway through the shower I realized I forgot my towel! So I had to use the hand towel and wash cloth I had brought... That was really not fun!

I brought a lamp I had bought for my desk, but managed to forget a light bulb for it...

When I arrived to my dorm, and began unpacking my stuff, I realized I did not have the same number of dresser drawers as my room mate, who had moved in the day before. Turns out my room was just missing one, then had never had that happen before. So I had to put in a work order for one. Only me right!? This would only happen to me!

Thankfully I have not tripped going up the stairs, or dropped my tray of food in the dining hall! I'm knocking on wood as I say that though, I may have just jinxed myself! HaHa!

As time goes by I hope things get a little smoother!

'Twas the night before College

Tomorrow I am moving into my college dorm and embarking on the crazy adventure that is college! 

As I lay here tonight, I am reflecting on a lot of things. I am continually thankful for my parents, and all they have done to get me to this point. I am thankful to God, for you know, existing in my life. I miss my beautiful friends already! Also, I have so many unanswered questions... I don't know how move-in day works, I still have financial aid questions, I don't know my room mate, and I am terribly afraid I forgot something at home (which is 6 hours away!) 

I could spend this entire night imagining every scenario I will encounter over the next few weeks. Or I could spend it reminiscing through childhood memories, and getting all sentimental. But really I should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be emotionally draining. Being taken to a new place to live with almost nobody I know. Saying goodbye to my parents, and essentially start being independent for the first time for a long period of time! 

I'm going to try to get some sleep. But getting to sleep tonight feels as hard as trying to get to sleep would be if you were on a life raft about to take a blind curve.... You don't know what's around the corner, why would you fall asleep then!? That's what I feel like...

25 minutes in a park

Yesterday, I spent 25 minutes alone in a public park. I was waiting for my friends to arrive, and I was quite content laying on a blanket under a tree, the birds chirping, not a cloud in the sky, enjoying the moderately warm temperature, and just the overall peace of it all.
Well, that lasted all of 2.8 seconds before a bee came to investigate me! Which naturally freaked me out. I hate bees. Then a squirrel tried to creep up on the food I had sitting next to me, which I had to scare off. I thought to myself, "ok, that was a momentary disruption, go back to relaxing..." So I slipped back into my peaceful state, when suddenly startled by ants crawling all over my blanket!
After shaking out the invaded blanket, and settling back down, I noticed I was not alone at this quiet little park anymore. A rather large homeless man had set up camp in the back corner of the park. He could see me and I could see him. I suddenly felt more alert of what was going on, and was slightly afraid. I am not afraid of homeless people, rather afraid of strange men. The fact that I am a small-ish woman alone in a park, and he is rather large man, made me uneasy. He made no move toward me, he simply laid on a park bench not even facing me. Still, I had lost all ability to lay down and close my eyes and relax. After a while he got on his bike and biked away.... safe once again?
NOPE! In came another man, who was just walking the path that loops the park. He was dressed in a button up shirt and jeans. Yet, I felt just as afraid. I pretended to be busy on my phone as he walked by my area, nothing came of that incident either.
I was visited by another squirrel and a Blue Jay that wanted the cookies I had sitting next to me.
The blanket I laid out began to get whet spot from the grass, and the ants were incredibly drawn to those spots....

I spent 25 minutes alone in a park, and it only took 25 minutes for me to realize exactly how paranoid I am about strangers and bothered by nature I can be, and how hard it is for me to sincerely relax! It's astounding what 25 minutes alone will do!

Go spend 25 minutes in a park alone, and see what you discover about yourself!

Week of Goodbyes

This is my final week at home before I leave for college! It's getting very strange, if I'm being completely honest. Time is becoming a luxury I cannot afford! I have begun to budget my time with people in order to make sure I see everyone I want to before I leave. People are treating me differently and talking to me as if I'm leaving them forever. I swear my parents look at me for prolonged periods of time if we are in the same room! (I am the first one off to college, so they are new to this as well) I can't quite explain it. Though, I know it is not the last time I will ever see many of these people. I will be back on breaks, and they will too. But, as far as I'm concerned, once we all embark out on our separate journeys, nothing is really guaranteed. We can say we will keep in touch all we want, still I know some of these people won't. The only people I can guarantee I will see again are a few close friends and my immediate family! Not only am I saying goodbye to a mass amount of peers that I have known all my childhood, but a mass amount of stuff. I am completely gutting my bedroom! Sorting everything into piles of what I want to take with me and what I don't.
I find myself sorting my belongings into piles, and parting with the majority of it. I find myself sorting out all of my friends and putting them in order so I can spend the optimal amount of time with them. Puts into perspective how much of my life I currently know is ending!
Really, if you think about it, I am saying goodbye to an era of my life.
It's not like I am saying goodbye to everything I've ever known, because I will be back. But I am saying goodbye to a lifestyle, and when I return, inevitably I will see things differently. I'm not sure how to feel about that. Excited yet sad at the same time.

Not sure if saying goodbye makes me more nervous or sad....

Getting a massage

Continuing in my quest to do something I've never done before every day, I opted to get a professional massage today. 

I have never done it before, and frankly have never liked the idea of being half naked in a room with a stranger oiling and rubbing on my body like I'm the next sacred human sacrifice!

Hesitant as I was, my mom really wanted me to do it, so I pushed on. 

I had to fill out a pretty detailed form about my medical history and what parts of my body I wanted massaged. One of the options was the gluteal... I promptly checked the "no" box on that one! I was escorted by my masseuse to this low light corner room with soothing music playing. I was told to undress and lay on the heated bed under the blankets. 

The masseuse was a young woman, couldn't have been five years older than me! The massage went very well, the first half hour I spent trying to guess in my head what she was doing, where her hands were going, and why she would do what she did. Most people try to relax but my brain just couldn't let it go! It was only awkward for a few minutes in the beginning. So that was a relief too!

But about half way through she starts talking to me, and we discover we both played fastpitch! So we start talking about the sport and having good conversation. Though, my brain never let me forget I was half naked laying on a table while she was rubbing me. But I did my best not to let my awkward brain intrude on the conversation. She then starts pointing out what muscles are effected by throwing and playing in general. No surprise that those particular muscles rather tight in me! She started pulling and stretching them out! It hurt so bad! I began to wonder if she found pleasure in pulling out those knots and watching me try not to show my pain! 

The massage ended with her pushing on every painful muscle in my neck like they were keys on a piano and her fingers knew every key! 

It was definitely a new experience! Mixed feelings about the end result though, I don't feel any different, and most people feel relaxed! 

 

Too cool for school

I am currently at my college orientation, and they are running us all over campus in little designated orientation groups. While I have many opinions on almost every aspect of the experience, today I want to focus on these two girls that act "too cool for school." Meaning they think they are above doing the ice breaker games, sound really unenthused when asked to speak, and give each other a sort-of eye roll look when some one else says something. 

These type of people irk me! In high school this attitude may have carried them right to the top of the social pyramid. But in college, there is no need for it. People stop caring so much about what others think. I could tell my OC (orientation counselor) was put off by these girls, cause she was trying to pump up the group and they were hashing her mellow! I'll tell you what, THAT attitude is what's "not cool". 

All in all you get out of the experience what you put in. And if they wanna put in a crappy attitude, it's their bed they are gunna have to lay in. But no need to outwardly express the negativity... Cause then the whole group gets affected. 

They think they are too cool for school. But really, this school is too cool for them! 

Alexandrite

Alexandrite is a uniquely rare gemstone, it can actually undergo dramatic shifts in color depending on what kind of light it's in. It is a gem that has a different color depending on your viewing angle; a gemstone that shifts colors when you rotate it in your hand, is what professionals in gem related fields call "pleochroic". it can also change colors when viewed under an artificial light source. (In natural sunlight, the gem appears greenish blue; in soft incandescent light, the gem appears reddish purple)


My three best friends LOVE buying rings. They all love to look at jewelry, try on 

jewelry, buy jewelry, wear jewelry, talk about jewelry, complement each others jewelry, and tease me about my lack of rings/jewelry. Let's just say I don't share their affinity for jewelry, I wear it if I have to... but it is not a serious source of enjoyment for me. (they know this about me and love me for it anyways) 
When we are out about the town together we never fail to make a stop at multiple stores and shops to look at rings. Even if they are wearing three on their hand already. When we (the "fab-four" as I affectionately call us) hit up the farmers market, we make a stop at every ring and jewelry stand possible.... Probably multiple times. 
I can tell their faces light up when we stop! Their arms immediately reach out to touch any ring and every ring they see. There is a constant cloud of "ooooo's" and "ahhhh's" that loom above us as the three of them rummage through those padded boxes with rows and rows of rings. Their voices get higher and softer as they review each ring like they have never seen one before. 
While they are doing that, I usually have this glazed over look, and not much interest in touching them. They might ask me what I think about one or two, I either make my "I can't believe you are even touching that" face, or shrug it off and say "it doesn't suck." It's not that I hate what they are doing, I just don't share their love for rings.... But I share in our friendship, and watching them enjoy and bond over something brings me joy. 
Today, we went to a local fair, where we stopped at multiple ring stands, which resulted in the purchase of a few by my friends! And while I was standing there, staring at the long table of ring options, I thought of Alexandrite, I thought of how rare it was (almost 1000 times rarer than diamonds) and how from any given angle the color is different. I took a long look at my very-best friends while they were distracted. I really soaked it in. From each angle we look different, we make up a different color from one another, we have different families and activities. We have different political, educational, and religious views. Yet when I look at us, sitting there in a pop-up tent rummaging over some cheap silver, I equate us to Alexandrite, because despite these hundreds of angles one could see about us, I see the love and friendship we share. I see the color we make when you put us all together. For some reason we naturally complete each other. We just effortlessly work, play, talk, and hang out. Not many teenage girls can say they have remained close friends for over 10 years.... We can. 
God put us all together cause he knew all our different angles put together would make the most special and rare friendship combination possible.  
All teenage girls think their friends are diamonds, but I KNOW mine are Alexandrite. 

They may think I shrug it off, but I cherish our ring shop stops, cause it reminds me of our Alexandrite-like friendship. It makes me thank my lucky stars I have such amazingly unique friends, cause in a world of diamonds, I am blessed enough to have a rich supply of Alexandrite.

God likes camping

Having gone camping nearly every summer of my childhood, and having just gotten back from my family's latest trip, I realize that every time I go camping, I get closer to God. I'm not sure what it is about camping that makes me feel closer to him, but I always do! One reason I think my connection with God is stronger while camping is, the fact that I am disconnected from the "world". I have no cell service or internet connection for a prolonged period of time. Another reason is I am always somewhere scenically beautiful! Whether it's the Redwood Forrest in California, a cactus dessert in Arizona, or a lush mountain forrest in Washington, I am surrounded by something awesome that reminds God created this planet. Those two reasons make it so much easier to talk to God. To open up to God. Not just for something i need either, i pretty much have continuous dialogue with him while camping. Numerous things about my life at home distract me from just simply talking to God. But with my iPhone out of hand, dirty tennis shoes laced up, and no peer from school in sight, I am more free to connect with God. Less interference I guess. 

But I'm back from camping and I'm connected with friends, my family's schedule is going five different directions... And my Internet connection is strong... But I need to make sure my God connection stays as strong as it is when I'm camping. I need to be able to set aside my distractions while I'm living my life here. Cause let's face it, I can't go to a mountain every day to connect with God. I need to be able to make my bedroom a mental "campground" in order to escape. 

I hope I can... Cause I think I'm happier and God is happier when I go camping!

Our Birds

My front yard, and everything in it is slowly being taken over by what my family and I call "our birds." There is a family of wild little birds that have made the decorative bird house on our front porch their permanent home! There are two parent birds and three baby birds that spend their days flying around my yard, resting on bushes, drinking out of the bird bath and drain pipe, eating the worms in front lawn, and we generally think its pretty cool that they live there. It's fun to watch them grow and learn to fly right in front of our eyes! But recently they have been really... annoying! They have found the gutter right above my window to be their preferred spot to sing at 4 am. Every day..... They fight with the crows in the yard too. There are some days I whip out a snack, pull up a chair and watch out the front window to see who wins! It's a territorial fight, nothing to horrible. There are also days I go out the back door to get to my car because I feel like walking through the front is dangerous. 

But those minor annoyances weren't enough to detour our affection for our birds. That breaking point came today when my sister and I discovered one of the three kid birds perched on the side mirror of my mom's car, just sitting there looking at itself, pooping all down the side of the car, and scratching the side and glass of the window. The bird was so distracted by the mirror it didn't notice my sister and I pass the car, and when it finally did, it just turned it's head and turned back to the mirror. Normally they fly away when they see us. I spent the better part of the morning trying to figure out,

A) why the bird was perched in front of the side mirror of my moms car 

B) how to break the news to my mom that her car is being continuously pooped on and scratched by a bird. 

The internet had a solution for me! It turns out this is a common occurrence in suburban america if you have a car in the drive way. What is really happening is the bird thinks it's reflection is another bird, and they are trying to socialize/hit-on the "other bird." Our car is not the first victim of this tragic bird confusion either. The only credible solution I have found is to put those cone shaped cardboard birthday hats on each mirror to block it. That sounds silly to me, and would probably look silly to passer-byers. But I would hate to let this bird stupidity continue. 

What to do about Our Birds.....

My Internet Distractions

I know I left you all a little down in my last post, but don't think for a second I am walking around town moping. I am keeping myself productively busy! And when I'm not busy being productive, I am almost always on the internet! So, I would like to share with you my internet distractions, in hopes that they become some of your favorite internet distractions too.

Facebook- This one is pretty self-explanatory. Creep on people's lives and make my own look better than it actually is. Great distraction that everyone uses now!

Sparknotes- No, this is not just a place to go review Romeo & Juliet the night before your English teacher gives you a test on the book. Its also a great place to read articles about life, or funny articles about other peoples' lives. I also find blogging inspiration from Sparknotes. Columns like AuntieSparknotes and Ask Jono are awesome!

You Tube- Combined, I have probably spent over a solid year of my life on You Tube. I am a hardcore You Tube creeper. I don't have an account, and don't make videos, but if its a popular video, a proposal video, a how-to video, or a music video, I've most likely seen it! Some of my favorite You Tubers are Jenna Marbles, Vlog Brothers, CTFxC, Ironing My Underwear, Timothy De La Ghetto, Phillip DeFreanco, Source Fed, ASAP Science, and many others. Seriously, go check out all of those people! As you watch their videos they will slowly seep their way into your heart and they will become the friends that live inside your computer! :) I also have watched every marriage proposal video on youtube. I find them so cute and all very unique.... Can't really explain or justify that fascination. I also discover music artist before they become famous on You Tube. A few examples are Sam Tsui, Alex Hobbs, and Justin Beiber! Seriously, I obsessed over Justin's crappy little acoustic videos before anyone in Hollywood knew his name. People like Sam Tsui and Alex Hobbs are not super famous, but have grown from making videos in their living rooms to producing real music videos. It's a pretty awesome progression to watch!

Pinterest- Electronic hoarding at its finest! Every cat meme, crock pot recipe, oversized sweater, messy bun tutorial, Ryan Gosling meme, inspirational tattoo, dream house, and home made craft idea can be found on pinterest! A girl like me, who likes to plan excessively can plan her whole life out eight different ways until she can't possibly pin more future house pictures and can't relate to any more of the "So Relatable" ecards.

CNN.com- This one might be unique to just me, but I find scouring the front page of CNN to be entertaining. You get a nice balance of important and factual news, mixed with the crazy paparazzi news and the obscure home town news. Everything from headlines about what congress did that day (which was most likely nothing) to snippets of little Jimmy in Nowheresville Kentucky who fell out of dog catchers truck and lived. (something obscure like that)

Blog- Writing this blog has been an awesome internet distraction! It lets me get my thoughts a feelings out into the world, whoever little a piece of that world may be, it doesn't matter. I can say I am on the internet, my voice is being heard, and someone out there reading this cares what I have to say.
I think that is what the internet is all about, there is a community on the internet for everyone, connecting the world to each other. And with every blog post, music video, and tutorial that is posted, it's silently celebrating that special community. So celebrate with me! YAY internet distractions!

Underestimating

At one point or more in everyone's life they are underestimated. By that I mean their capabilities are not valued, seen, or implemented by another person. Being underestimated doesn't mean your self worth should go down, in fact, it should drive you to prove them wrong! I personally get a fire going inside of me when I find out or can just tell someone is underestimating me. For the majority of my high school fastpitch career my main coach (though I had many many great ones) underestimated my playing ability day-in and day-out. All he saw was my initial timid demeanor and unusually small size. He assumed I couldn't make as much of an impact as the bigger and stronger girls. I let that determine the way I play for about a day and a half, before I snapped out of it and harnessed that doubt of his into energy I used to prove him wrong. 

Though good came out of that underestimation and made me a better player, it doesn't always end up well. I know people who could never prove their ability to their coach, boss, teacher, or whomever, and were forced to quit or were fired. The opportunity to debunk their doubts is not always there. I was fortunate to have the time to show my coach what I could really do. Time and exposure is really the only thing I've experienced that eliminates someone else's undervalued opinion of you. Being underestimated sucks. Just know your abilities and strengths, and the right person will see them! 

Though, there is a different kind of underestimation that is slightly stupider, and slightly funnier! People underestimate other people's dreams or future goals that's re way out of reach! For instance, people underestimate how much I want to marry a baseball player. Like... Seriously, I want to so bad. Yet, everyone laughs it off! I'm sure everyone has one of those dreams. That one where everyone you tell immediately underestimated how serious you are about that! Haha 

Seriously though, people underestimate how serious I am about marrying a baseball player! I recently went to a game where the players' wives were at a booth doing charity work, and I desperately wanted to go up and ask them how they did it... 

Also, the new thing I did today was drive while eating a large soft serve ice cream cone! Keeping my goal going! (Incase anyone was underestimating my seriousness about achieving my summer goal) :)

Summer Goal

I have made it my goal this summer to do something I've never done before everyday. It presents an interesting challenge. Some days I have things planned in advance, and some days I get halfway done with the day and have to scramble to find something to do! I've been at it for 2 weeks now and in the grand scheme of things I'm holding to my goal really well! 

In the last two weeks I've shot a gun, played slot machines, gotten on the big screen at the Mariners game, and tried a variety of new foods! All of which I have never done before! But don't worry, I'm not being reckless about it! I was completely within safety regulations when I shot the riffle at a gun range with some very knowledgable friends. I was completely legal at the casino. (There is a special 18 year old room) 

But not everyday can have something spectacularly new. Two days ago my "new experience" was trying a meatball sub at Macconi's! About a week ago the thing I did was walk into a store downtown I had never walked into before! 

I don't know where I got the idea, I just started doing it, and decided it would make my summer more interesting! We'll see what I do today! Don't have anything planned yet!

Getting a manicure

I'm not a very girly-girl, I don't highlight my hair, put on a lot of make-up, and I really don't do my nails! But this last week my very girly grandma came for a visit and insisted we go get our nails done for my high school graduation. So for the first time ever I went to a nail place to get a French tip manicure. Here are my thoughts while getting me nails done.

•Wow, it smells like a group of 12 year old girls have been doing their nails in an enclosed space! Pew!

•This lady talks very quickly and I can't follow along. She makes me very nervous. It's the small ones you gotta watch for...

•She asked me if I had a boyfriend... #foreveralone 

•She asked if I had a job, which I don't. #freeloader

•She asked if I wanted to get my eyebrows done... What is that suppose to mean!? #ugly

•At this point all I can think is that I need to get a job, and I don't have a boyfriend because I need to get my eyebrows waxed... This is fun... NOT

•She is pushing back my cuticles and making them bleed... The fun continues...

•The poster behind her has girls caked in so much make up they look like porcelain dolls! 

•Counted 12 posters of porcelain people posters

•I wonder if the people walking by the nail salon are judging me

•The nail lady just asked me a question and I couldn't understand her... What do I do? 

•Just nod and smile, nod and smile....

•I'm now putting my nails under a special drying light, I wonder if this light will give me cancer, probably will. 

•This old guy that just walked by the salon was definitely judging me! Come back! Let me prove I'm not one of THEM!

•My nails feel heavy.

•The French tips aren't all the same size, OCD going crazy!?

•This is the longest 10 minutes of my life.

•The nail ladies are all talking in another language... I bet they are making fun of us.

•DoI really need to do my eyebrows?

•My cuticles still hurt! 

•Cant believe we just paid to put paint on our skin cells, be stereotyped by passer-byers, possibly made fun of in another language, given cancer by a light that I am quite convinced gives off radiation, and be reminded I don't have a boyfriend. 

So yah, that was my experience. Each bullet is one thought, and I did go in the correct order. Hope you enjoyed! 

I am now done with school and graduation! So I will post a lot more now!

Apple Ear Bud Review

I have been an apple fan from birth. I love the company, and love what they do. But they are not perfect. And I will gladly point out and scrutinize their flaw when I find one. Because Apple is a caring company, and I know they are genuinely interested in how they can become better. 

The design of their revolutionary new earbuds is not fantastic. I was so excited to get these ear buds after seeing the promo for them! After having them for half a year now, and consistently using them, it's safe to say they are close... They were not wrong about them fitting in most people's ears, no matter what the shape! It's fantastic! I can run on a treadmill and they won't jump out! The dynamics of the speakers really make it sound like you are surrounded by music! But the main speaker part at the head of the ear bud is indented ever so slightly. As in, there is a raised plastic edge around the speaker, that probably serves a functional purpose, I just haven't figured it out. It causes me grief though. I get ear was excessively stuck in and around it. Not only is it gross, it actually blocks the sound! I have talked to others that have the same issue. I take a needle or pin to it and carefully clean it out when I can. But I shouldn't need to do that every time I want to listen to music. Also, I have no idea what material the wire is wrapped in, but it always rips at the bottom where the jack is that goes in my iPhone. My previous pair did this as well! I would have thought Apple would have fixed that common problem! 

Over all, these ear buds are still vastly superior to any others on the market today. But it's those two annoyances that slowly drive me up the wall every time I use them. So if you are going to buy the new headphones just know what you are in for, but if you are going for Ear Buds, they are the top choice. Remember Head Phones are completely different! 

I don't know how to be an adult

Now that I am 18 and headed off to college soon, I am starkly aware of the things I am responsible for now. Like, little things that I have started to do on my own that I took for granted when my parents did them. I have recently started doing my own laundry, carrying my own medical card, and when I go up to a counter to buy something, or go to the doctors office with my mom, she makes me speak! Hahaha it's all so much! And in doing all this got me thinking, what adult things do I take for granted that I haven't yet figured out!? So here is a list of basic adult things I should have down or at least understand, but don't! 

1. How to use a fire extinguisher- Seen one in every building I've ever walked in. But couldn't tell you how to work it to save my life... Literally.

2. How to do taxes- All I know is the government wants some of my money.

3. How a car works- I drive one almost everyday, and I hate to admit that I couldn't tell you how 99% of the machine works. If anything breaks I'm screwed.

4. How to cook- I can't cook anything that doesn't have directions on the package.

5. How credit works- I seriously don't understand the credit system. I still run on the hard currency way of living. If I don't have the amount in paper dollars or metal coins, I don't have it. To me, once you start making up imaginary currency you get a little sketchy.

6. What a mortgage is- it has to do with a house right?

7. What a credit rate does/means- so people rate you financially... Is that it?

8. How to chop an onion- every woman seems to know inherently how to chop an onion... Why don't I?

9. General home care- I don't know why it takes to care for the entire inside and outside if a home. All the cleaning inside, and maintenance outside. Where do people learn these things!?

10. How the DOL works- how do I know when I have to go there and for what? 

I'm sure there's more... But seriously! I am not prepared to be an adult! At some point do you just get "super adult senses" that help you know how to survive in this society!? Looks like google will be my best friend! Hahaha 

Anyone have answers to these adult unknowns? Leave comments on this post! Thanks!

Going To State

This weekend my fastpitch team is going to the state tournament for all 4A high schools in WA! My school's team has not been to state since 2004! 

I have dedicated 4 years of my life to this program, and about 12 years to the sport itself. To get to finish off my playing career at the highest high school level possible is such a blessing! 

My team is packing onto a school bus for an 8 hour trip tomorrow, and it will be plenty of team bonding to say the least! I intend to make a cozy fortress of blankets and pillows in my seat, take some Dramamine, put my ear buds in, and nod off for a long period of time! There will probably be a lot of gossip, and lots of playing games on phones! The most interesting thing will be to see who's phone does first! Hahaha I am packing enough food for 3 weekends in Spokane it seems like, but I always pack like I'm never going to see another Safeway again! I won't starve! That's for sure!

Staying at a hotel with my team will be super fun! We will room together and eat together and stay up late together! This weekend will be great bonding time! Too bad it's the last time we will play as a team! 

It's just hitting home that this is the last bus ride we will take together, the last time this team will play together. We will go off from this weekend and have great new experiences, and the fastpitch program will go on without us seniors, but the thought of this team never being together the same way again, just hit me! 

I go to sleep tonight thanking the Lord ten times over for the journey we get to embark on tomorrow, and for the wonderful experience this program has been for me. I go to sleep tonight bittersweet and excited all at once. 

A Frustrating Thing

I just wish sometimes I could reach inside someone I care about and take out their source of pain and carry it for them so they don't experience it. 

I can't stand watching someone I love and care for hurting emotionally. Have you ever just looked at someone and seen that they have been emotionally hurt? They don't explicitly say it, but their body says it, their eyes show it. I have recently, and my heart hurts for them. Nothing that time won't heal, but something that I wish I could make go away, nonetheless.

I am not the one that hurt them, but I want to be the one to make it go away. Cause when my friends' heart gets hurt, my heart gets hurt too... And that's a frustrating thing. 

I don't know if that's normal, but I've always been this way. And it's worse if I cause the pain! (Again, I didn't cause this though)

Eating ice cream and listening to my friend vent is all I can do, but I want to do so much more. I want to take their pain and hold it for them so they never feel it. My friend doesn't deserve to be underrated. And that's what someone is doing, and I can tell she feels underrated, like there is something wrong with her, that she is unlucky. I HATE that someone can make my friend feel like that. Like, seriously, my jaw clenches in anger! Cause that means that the negative won over ME! I couldn't stop it. It means that this underestimate of her self-worth by someone else has taken center stage compared to my (and many others') view of her amazing and unequivocal value. That this new negative in her life is causing her pain that I can't fix on my own. 

My friend is strong, and this won't keep her down long. Her internal positive drive is admirable to say the least. :) 

But at the moment I'm beyond frustrated that I can't take the pain away... As her friend I wish desperately that I could!