Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Self Conscious Stupidity

As a girl, for some stupid reason I am pre-programmed to have embedded body image issues. Every girl seems to. Something in our brains tells us our skin is too pale, or our butts are too big, or that our stomach is too flabby, that our nose is the wrong shape, that our ankles are too fat, that stretch marks are ugly and shameful, or that our thighs are too big. I personally struggle with that last one. It is an aspect of myself I tend to try to hide, that I think everyone notices, and not in a good way... My thighs take up more mental thought than any body part should in a normal humans brain. They are the first aspect I worry about when I put an outfit on in the morning. It's hard for me to find any pants I like to see my thighs in. I can't seem to not be self conscious of them. Even though I know they are normal sized, and frankly look fine in jeans to anyone else with a pulse on this planet! And the crazy part is I know I'm crazy! Deep down I know the other people at the gym, the other people at church and in class don't care. I am aware how stupid it is to hate my thighs even after my sweet boyfriend says he likes them as he grazes his hand over them when we sit next to each other. I want to embrace my thighs the way he does, but can't seem to. Shouldn't his assurance be the ultimate affirmation that there's no reason to be self conscious about them!?
Why can I know a thought I'm having be stupid, yet proceed to think that hurtful self image sort of thought on a daily basis. Why can I not see myself the way my boyfriend can? Why do I allow the crazy to overtake the logic? 

I KNOW I'm not the only girl who struggles with this. I would venture to say every girl has their own "thigh" issue. It just may not be their thighs per say. 

It's annoying being a girl sometimes... I hate that I hate parts of my body...

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