The game of fastpitch and baseball is a very strategic game, it is a team sport, yet very much a personal sport. A game I have been playing since the age of four, I have become accustom to the emotions and mentally taxing scenarios that happen when playing. It is not uncommon to here the phrase "get out of your head" or "don't think to much" during a game. The game takes so much situational thinking that its hard no to constantly be in your own head.
If the ball goes here, I do this. If the ball goes there, I do that. If the ball is hit to her, I move over here. If the ball gets passed her, I do this. If the pitch is here, I swing like this. If she pitches it here, I hit it over there.
Today I played a routine game. Nothing new about the position I was in, or the people I was playing with. But I could not get my mind out of my head. I was constantly going over scenarios, and plays in my head. Which can be a fatal error, and proved to be today. I missed two routine pop flies hit towards me. I am normally reliable in the outfield, anything within a ten foot radius is a given. But today the ball was hit right at me and I didn't catch it. The problem was I was overanalyzing the play. I was overanalyzing the spin of the ball, and the reaction I should have had to it.
After the initial shock of the failure I had just achieved wore off, I felt an amount of guilt comparable to that of cheating on an exam and then getting caught. All eyes were glued on my error, both of them... I felt guilt for my pitcher, that I couldn't help her out. I felt guilt for my infielders, knowing they helplessly watched the ball fall to the ground. I felt guilty for my coaches, watching their hours of work they put into me go to waist in one swift movement. I felt guilty for the parents and fans, spending their precious free time to not even watch me catch a ball.
This flood of rage, shock, anger, guilt, and sadness came over me in that minute. I knew the run that was earned because of that error would come back to bite me, and it did. We lost by one run....
I was already to much in my head, and this sent me into an inward mental spiral for the rest of the game. Though I got hits, and one RBI, and my team's spirit was up. I could not shake the mental monkey that was on my back.
I am beginning to realize at this age, I have almost perfected my playing mechanics, but have not perfected my mental mechanics. I am naturally hard on myself for the littlest of things. It's a trait i've always had. I've read its a Virgo thing apparently.... But astrological signs aside.... I was particularly tough on myself for this mistake. I have to learn to perfect my mental mechanics. Doing that would mean being able to analyze why I did something wrong, and how I can correct it, and be able to push aside the crushing disappointment and guilt, like I felt today.
Tomorrow is a new day, and the crippling guilt will melt away. The self-doubt and pity will fade away. I will put my cleats on again, and play the game I love like I have been since I was four. I won't think about it, I'll just do it....
"Baseball is ninety percent mental, and the other half physical" - Yogi Berra
No comments:
Post a Comment