Shy Guys

To a friend who desperately wants a shy guy, this is my message to you…. You know who you are! :)

In my opinion shy guys are the best kind of guys to date. Dating is complicated and can be different with every individual, but I think I’ve come to understand some umbrella theories when it comes to dating shy guys. Keep in mind this is all from a girl’s perspective. And not all girls would agree with me. But they don’t control this blog :)

When pursuing a shy guy be prepared for endless mount of prodding. It begins with you having to initiate all the conversation and work very hard to get the guy to do anything with you. Even if its something as simple as going to the basketball game on a Friday night. It’s almost painful. And it goes against our nature. Naturally guys are wired to WANT to pursue something (or someone) they are interested in. Girls are wired to enjoy being pursued. But guys also have a fear of rejection that, contrary to what is commonly believed, is much bigger than girls’ fear of rejection. If a guy thinks he will be shot down and rejected, he will most likely not do it. Now, add in a guy that has a shy and concealed personality, and its almost guaranteed he won’t even try.

But you are sitting there thinking “but I won’t reject him! I know we will have fun! We are perfect for each other! Why can’t he see that and pursue me!?” I know, I feel you… But take it slow; it can be a slow and painful process… Stick with me.

Getting to know the guy a little is the first key, don’t worry about seeming like you are being nosey, annoying, and weird. Chances are he likes the attention and is flattered you would even talk to him; he just might not show it. Don’t doubt your female power over him, the force is strong, and no man no matter how shy can resist it!

Once you’ve established friendship and want him to know of your devout feelings for him, you need to get him to tell you how he feels. Be it good or bad, you need the confirmation. Getting shy guys to reveal their feelings is a lot like pulling teeth, it is hard, and seems impossible. I’ve never really found a smooth transition into it either. I have done it, and it was very blunt. I did it in person, with the great fear and doubt that he didn’t share the same feelings. I had an idea he did, but that’s what get’s you about shy guys… you can’t read them so you are never really sure! But once you get them to open up its like getting into a good book. Its easy and effortless. He is then acutely aware he won’t get hurt, so he will go for it. I had to confront this shy guy about where he thought we were, cause we were in a weird “grey area” for MONTHS! But being blunt and up front (in person, not over text) like I was got me what I wanted, he got the validation he needed, and he asked me out the next day! Its true, shy guys need the validation they won’t get hurt. Keep in mind this process building up to the blunt honesty I was able to achieve took months! Took a few awkward dates and lots of conversation initiating. But I reaped the reward for my agony and patience.

Shy guys are like unread books that you enjoy a lot. You get to read words a lot of people haven’t thought to read, and that you appreciate. They cherish you. They whisper to you. They are gentle. They genuinely want to be with you, simply because you want to be with them. You are bigger to them than their ego. They never flaunt your relationship, but when someone says something about it they just smile, a smile that melts your heart. They don’t “take” your hand… they hold it. They don’t “cover the check”… they treat you to dinner. More often then not they are one of the funniest people you’ve ever know, and it’s special because not everyone knows he is funny. Inside jokes become a major link between you two. He makes you appreciate the little things! You won't regret whatever you may get into.

So whether you are just beginning your opening of a shy guy book, if you are halfway through one, or if you’ve fully opened it and are enjoying the easy and effortless read, I hope this helps. I hope it gives you encouragement to be patient and bold. (Qualities guys really like) I know how hard it is… I’ve been there. Take a DEEP BREATH…

Now go and conquer! 

Flow

Flow is a psychological term which refers to the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does. People who experience flow on a regular basis are proven to be happier in general than those who don't.
In America today, with our lives being so busy and chaotic, we don't experience flow very often. I didn't really comprehend what flow was, to be honest. Today I had a head ache and had a lot of homework to do... I was stressed and tired. But I had a batting lesson, so I grudgingly went to it. But I am 100% sure I experienced flow while batting. I was constantly in the "zone." Every stroke felt good, my swing was strong and powerful. My arms extended and my wrists snapped at just the right time. My hips opened and my head stayed down at the ball. My batting coach had a good vibe going, and I was genuinely at peace for that hour. My headache dissipated within minutes of taking a few swings. I forgot about my math homework, and let out the pent up energy with every cut I took! Nothing took my mind of my swing, and if I fouled one off it didn't bother me. I, without a doubt, experienced flow while batting today. It left me exhilarated! I had a better temperament leaving than I did going in. Which is the sure sign of flow.
Flow doesn't have to be an athletic activity, it could be reading, playing music, or a lot of other things. But when it happens you just know. It's awesome!

Angels

I think angels exists. I think they are used for God's Devine purpose, and I think humans can be God's angel when God calls upon them to be. I don't think it has to be conscious either.
I bring this up because I think I got a much needed and friendly visit from one kind soul today. I was standing in Fred Meyers waiting for my dad, and I saw this old man walking from the check out counter to the door, he hobbled at a minuscule pace with a cane. His eyes were deep and dark. His glasses magnified them as they look up across the way to meet eyes with me! We made eye contact, and it made me think of my grandpas. I lost both of them this past summer, in very different ways, but lost both of them none-the-less. My grandpa who lived in Washington (WA) passed away in June. My other grandpa who lived in Arizona (AZ) passed away in September.
The way this man walked reminded me of my last trip to the grocery store with my AZ grandpa, I remember we roamed the isles together, bought his favorite ice cream, and chocolate ice cream bars, we bought pizza, and peaches too. This old man's physical presence was that of my AZ grandpa as well. The way this man had his face, reminded me of the last Christmas I got to spend with my WA grandpa, the way his face used to look after he brought in the firewood, or something, to maintain the fire. Or as my WA grandpa used to look singing in his church choir. His cain resembled my grandpa's also. I smiled at the older gentleman cause of these lovely memories he provoked.
What happened next I did not expect. He reads the word "fastpitch" on my sweatshirt, comes closer to me and asks if I play. I lit up at the fact that he noticed me, and spoke to me! I kindly said I did! He then asked "where do you play?" I said "mostly outfield," and he then gently took my right hand and cupped it between his two elderly big hands and said "that's great... My daughter played there too! She loved it!" I said that I enjoy it so much, and then he shuffled on his way toward the door, leaving my hand frozen there.... My AZ grandpa used to grab my hand JUST like then when he said something he really meant! He also was notorious for coming up and talking to strangers just like that! I don't think that old man will ever know how much that one minute conversation will mean to me.
I think he was the kind of unconscious angel God sends.
So tonight, my prayers go to this older gentleman, I don't know if he believes in God, I don't know his family situation, I don't know his health, but I know he was used to reassure me my grandpas are safe and happy in heaven today and are watching over me :)

Comfort Zone

Lately I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone more. I have been trying to do new things and not be so apprehensive about going different places and meeting new people. To really do so I have to identify my comfort zone and then identify whats out of it that I want to try to do.
One's comfort zone is determined by a lot of factors. Mostly by where the care giver's comfort level is, what they deem is within reason and what they deem not. Where they set their standards. It can be determines very much by social circles, and what friends have their comfort zone defined as.
I personally have a very limited zone! If I haven't done it, tasted it, met the person, or heard of the experience before, I have issues with it. For example, I know energy drinks won't kill me, and the effects will wear off, but it is way outside of my comfort zone to drink one! It just doesn't fly with me! I have a super hard time talking to people I haven't met for a long span of time as well. Not as in, I can't talk to the bank teller when I'm at the bank, it's more like I can't talk to this girl I sit next to everyday in my psychology class. It just freaks me out, I feel awkward, shy, lame, and many other emotions. My comfort zone is to small, and I want to change that.
See, I think people who never try to stretch their comfort zone miss out on things, on life experiences. A lot of people in my social circle are perfectly content in their zone. They don't feel the need to expand their circle. They hang with the same people, doing the same things, cause that is what is fun and familiar to them. Which I somewhat understand. But I also look at the way humans develop, the late teens and early 20's (the category in which I dwell) is THE TIME to expand your comfort zone! It's when you explore the world without your parents. It is a crucial milestone to step out of your comfort zone at this age. Just as crawling is a crucial milestone for toddlers. I'm not saying I'm now going to start downing energy drinks and meeting strange people everyday, but I'm going to try to talk to that girl in my psychology class, I'm going to try that noodle dish on the menu I've never tried, I'm going to apply for that internship, cause thats how you expand your comfort zone!
A bigger comfort zone will open up more opportunities for me in the long run, it will build up character and confidence. I will learn not to be so dependent on knowing all the people around me, which will force me to make new connections. College will be a huge comfort zone expander, mostly cause I will get in a car with all my belongings, go live in a town that I've never lived in, without my parents and where I know virtually nobody, and will still have to go to school.

My main point is, my comfort zone is this big --->  (  )     and I want it to be this big --->  (         )
cause I want to better myself while the opportunities present themselves.

Bowls of vinegar

I currently have 5 bowls of vinegar set throughout my house. Why you may ask? I have not only a 13-year-old little sister, but I also have a 15-year-old little sister! And I currently have 5 bowls of vinegar spread across the house because of her.
She has a brilliant brain. One that interprets things in a different way. Sees avenues to problems and can solve them. She loves to read, and loves to learn, but she lacks "street smarts." The type of knowledge one needs to solve problems you can't find in a school text book. She can't do that without great difficulty. Today was no exception. She was left alone, like she is every Friday morning cause she doesn't have school, and I come home from class around 10 a.m. Well, this morning I came home to the overwhelming smell of something burning in the kitchen. It went beyond a burnt smell though. It was like someone set a house on fire in the middle of the Sierra Desert, and then put it under a magnifying glass, trapped the smell and remains in a jar, then planted it in our microwave! I walk into the kitchen to find my sister opening the kitchen windows! I ask her what in the heck happened and she calmly replies, "I burnt popcorn."
Overwhelmed by the second-hand smoke feeling I had, I just asked "WHY!? HOW!? WAS IT POPCORN FROM HELL!?"
We quickly opened all doors and windows, and she took the dreaded bag to the garbage can outside!
When I asked her how she let it get THAT burned, she said she put it in the microwave and went back to the computer and forgot. Hence, lacking the street smarts.... Any person with logical life experience would not leave a bag of popcorn unattended! That's how houses get burned down!
I ranted around the house for a while, but after an hour we both had to be to school. So, we had to close up the house. We both hoped it would dissipate before our family got home after school. But when I got home, and my whole family was there, the smell was as strong as ever. My little sister got reprimanded by each member of the family, and we spent this cold January night with all our windows open. Burrrr!!!
By 7 o'clock this evening the smell was still here, so we tried the fabric spray, that lasted all of 2.8 seconds. We were all getting so sick of the smell and it was giving me a headache! So I looked up online how to get rid of the smell, and many Google searches suggested putting vinegar bowls around the house. I promptly enlisted my sister, who brought this situation upon us, to place the bowls around. But it's 10 o'clock now and we still smell it. My eyes water from the vinegar too. I'm scared it will never go away! My sister also had problems opening a trash bag, putting Ritz crackers away, and just generally cleaning up after herself today. Actually, it's a pretty regular thing, just amplified today. At least my house isn't burned to the ground!
Going to try to go to sleep with a massive headache and stinging eyes now!
Goodnight all!

Is it ok to give up?

A lot of  people say they don't like math, and I don't doubt them. They say it's not "their thing."

But I actually HATE math.
I don't even know if hate is a strong enough word. Math makes me fell ill, constantly inadequate, stressed, and powerless. I've struggled with it my entire life, it has evolved over the years. From elementary school, I have been set aside and pulled apart from the crowd to receive special help with math. Don't think for a second I didn't notice I was deficient in a way my classmates were not. Kids notice those sort of things as early as the age of four. A sense of being abnormal in an academic sort-of way started very young for me. In middle school I had to go to classes an hour before school started to receive extra help. I was not alone, however, it was a class of about fifteen kids. But I still felt isolated from my peers. Getting B's in math during middle school was a norm that I accepted. I normally got C's on tests and A's on daily assignments, all while taking that extra morning class and asking the teacher for help after school. As long as I was improving or maintaining an average, the extra work seemed worth it. I had to do all that just to try to stay at the same level as the kids in my class.
High school algebra hit me like a brick wall. I had an incredibly supportive teacher, but just could not grasp the material. Nightly homework was met with tears of frustration! I was constantly in my math class in the mornings, I got a solid C- the first semester..... At that point my parents stepped in, we had a meeting with my math teacher and councilor to see what could be done. It was like I was sliding down a dangerous slide, and we were trying to prevent it. I got a tutor, I was in there every morning, and still only pulled a C out of the class. Such grand efforts for little-to-no improvement frustrated me. I felt defeated, stupid, "less-than," ashamed, and confused. Feelings that have persisted throughout my high school career. I retook algebra my sophomore year, at the advice of the math department head. Now I was officially behind my peers. And that has been really hard to accept, I was convinced I was stupider than my peers. But I made it through that year with the help of another supportive teacher and tutor. I got a B+ over all and I was ecstatic about it! I went to lunch after receiving that grade, just to be met by some friends complaining to each other how stupid they were cause they got an A- in like, pre-calc! Now..... I know I'm not suppose to compare myself to others, heard that speech a thousand times.... But if you are wondering where I got the idea that I was somehow less than, and somehow stupid, there that was to reaffirm it.
Going into my junior year I did not have a supportive teacher, which was like adding ten pounds to the already massive load I was carrying into math. I was in Geometry, and struggled very much. I had more emotional break downs, with even less support. I got another tutor and was receiving help from the math department head in the mornings, but the way the class was set up, if you bombed a test you could spend the next few weeks clawing your way back up, just to be nocked down by the next test. I was flat-linning that class, constantly getting a solid D. Which put even more pressure on the college aspect of things. I ended the year with a D+.
I hit a low I had never come to before. I couldn't afford to continue to spiral downward. Over the summer I even went to a professional psychologist to see if I had anything mentally wrong with me. Nothing significant came up in the least. I have a tendency to switch numbers sometimes, but nothing official. I mostly have what I describe as a "big black wall" where when I'm testing I can't retrieve the material I studied! When testing I become overwhelmed and start making up mathematical rules just to complete the test. I've tried about four different types of testing scenarios during my time in high school as well, and none have yielded positive results!
I became convinced that the effort I was putting in to learning math was all for nothing, if I just keep continuing to go downward. Currently I am in Algebra 2 and am on track to receive another D+. I had to hold back frustrated tears today as I got my horrifying test back.
How can all this effort not do anything!? If anything I have gone DOWN in mathematical achievement. After six years of trying to make it work, and watching it not, it makes me want to give up. I'm to the point where every single morning I contemplate going to my math class. Spending my time surrounded by kids who understand the material and who still have a chance to improve in math just sounds like hell. Yet I go in there five days out of the week.
I have been writing in past-tense for most of this post, "I thought I was stupid" or "I felt somehow lesser." But those feelings not only happened in the past, they are happening now. I still feel stupid, I still feel lesser than my classmates. I feel like I slid down that slide and have no chance to climb back up. I know I'm not all around stupid. I shine in my social studies class, I receive A's in english, and I don't suck at science. But in my mental self-punishing pursuit of perfection, if I haven't succeeded in one thing, that failure ultimately overshadows the other successes. And I am well versed psychology, so I know how ridiculous that sounds, I know logically that my self-worth and my success is not measured by math alone. But some part of my brain won't let it go.
Math just causes me unnecessary pain, problems, stress, tears, anxiety, pressure, and unimaginable amounts of frustration. If anything outside of school were causing those feelings I would stop it immediately! So why have I given math 11 years!? Is it ok to give it up yet!? Cause I don't have much more to give!

Types of criers

I think there are different types of crier in this world. Different things that trigger people to cry.
Here is my list!

The Sappy Crier: The one who cries at every single sob story. Reads a homeless persons sign and balls their eyes out right on the spot. The one that cries two seconds into those Sarah McLachlan rescue animal commercials. Even at the sentimental scenes in a Disney channel movie! It's as easy to set them off as it is to blow over a feather!

The Frustrated/Overwhelmed Crier: #ME!! The one that gets frustrated at an uncontrollable or intangible situation and has no other avenue but to cry it out. These criers exhaust all options before releasing the tears. Often cries at the most inopportune time!

The Pain Crier: Naturally everyone cries if in enough pain. It's a human reaction. But the actual Pain Criers cry at the slightest of pain. Will always play victim and seek attention to their wound from their crying.

The Religious Crier: In the work place and social setting this person is incredibly composed. But put this person in a good church pew and let the water works begin. Every prayer calls for dramatic prolonged pause followed by choking back tears! Keep a tissue box handy in the offering plate! :)

The Non-Crier: This person never cries. Period. The most tragic of events could happen to this one and they will do everything but cry!

The Specialty Crier: This person has a particular topic, item, person, or place that makes them lose it. Often is met by awkward situations.... Just imagine "oh hey Craig! How was your vacation in Mexico!?" Craig: "vacation.... VACATION... I remember my last family vacation before grandpa passed! We were all together and happy!" - Tears ensue and the situation is now awkward for all.

The Hungry Crier: This one is irritable because of hunger, and with enough prolonging of food, you can provoke a quality crying session out of this one. Very similar to the frustrated crier.

The Ugly Crier: Nothing extraordinary sets them off. But they are just ugly criers. Their face contorts into a wrinkled and sometimes snotty mess. Their eyes puff up more than normal. You can't comprehend for the life of you what they are trying to say, cause their tongue is just uncontrollable and swollen. It usually takes them hours to make a complete recovery.

Sharing a bathroom with a 13-year-old

The thing about the rant you are about to read is, it is purely my personal experience with my 13-year-old little sister. I'm sure not all 13-year-olds act this way, and I'm sure gender plays a huge roll. Guys don't use the bathroom the same way pre-teen girls do.... With that said.... Here is my unfortunate experience of sharing a bathroom with a 13-year-old.

On any given day I will walk into the bathroom with hesitation, a sort-of gingerly step as I walk in, and I hold my breath as I turn on the light. When I walk into the bathroom it is a guarantee I will find one of these scenarios. The first is usually a layer of skin colored powder lightly dusted across the counter, left behind from her morning make-up routine. But not from just that morning, she has accumulated a little each morning, so now, it is a tiny layer as thick as maybe baby powder. The second thing I turn my attention to is the floor. Understandably there are clothes on the floor after she gets out of the shower! She is a human being after all, but the clothes on the floor are from the shower she took three days ago, underneath the clothes from the shower she took two days ago, which are hidden under the clothes from yesterdays shower. As if this mountain of clothes isn't enough, the third place I look is the toilet. Where more often than not, she will leave little-to-no toilet paper on the roll. I know walking one and a half steps (past the clothes pile) to the closet to get a fresh roll would be doing something useful... but this is usually my last straw! Sadly, its not the last thing I see! When getting in the shower it's not uncommon to see a bandaid that she took off and has just carelessly set to the side. If I don't say anything, she will let it sit... and rot! That goes for all the things on this list. If I don't say anything, nothing will get done. In the shower, I often find those clear plastic caps that go over the blade of razors. But I don't find them on her razor, I find them on the floor of the shower where I step on them, or they are falling down the drain! And when I pick up the stupid clear cap and go to throw it away, I find the trash can full to the brim, even spilling over! Full of used make-up containers and endless tissues she used in the make-up process, bandaid wrappers, toothpaste tubes, and much more. Don't even get me started on the toothpaste clumps left in the sink.
I've asked her to keep her things on one side of the counter so I can keep some sanity on the other half. She followed the plea for a while, but then realized the outlet is on my side. I understand that she needs to use it, and kindly let her, cause we are rarely getting ready at the same time. But she leaves her hair straightener on my side when she is done! She lets the plug dangle down to the floor so when I am not paying attention, I step on the plug part, and shout in pain! I would say her straightener is the MOST consistent annoying thing. I have not walked into the bathroom since the summer when it was not on my side of the counter just taking up my precious space.

As you can imagine all this builds up inside me, and I get on her about it. She is old enough to clean up after herself. But it gets tiring to do it everyday! I don't have the time. On the occasions I do, she rolls her eyes, says she either "forgot to clean it up" or "it's not that big of a deal." She does, though, get off her butt and hastily does what it is I ask her to do, whether its pick up her clothes, put away her straightener, or take out the trash. She does it poorly though.... When I ask her to wipe the counter she misses big spots, and when I call her on her crummy job, she claims she "can't see what I'm talking about." Getting my parents on her case is like putting duck tape over a hole on a floaty, it's a temporary fix. Gets the job done that one time, but won't fix tomorrow's problems.
I've tried the anger approach, I've tried the passive approach, I've tried the "meeting her on her level" approach, and I've tried putting little rules posted throughout the bathroom. Nothing seems to phase this kid! I dread the day I leave for college and she goes unmonitored on a regular basis! That bathroom would be condemned by now if left under her control! I do all the major washing and scrubbing anyway!

I've gone to the end of the world and back to get her to keep this bathroom at a functioning level. I feel like I'm constantly treading water, like its an endless battle I'm never going to win. But I can't give up and give in, or I won't be able to use my own bathroom! Pretty sure whatever dorm bathroom I'm in next year will be better than mine now. So yah, thats my terrible bathroom experience. Wish me luck in my continued efforts to make my sister an acceptable functioning human being!

Keychains

Have you ever thought about the way your keychain is organized?

If you really think about it, at least to the extent that I have, it is a very difficult task to have a well organized and efficient keychain.
Really take a minute and think about it, its something you use everyday to get in and out of places, to start vehicles, hold cards, (for example, I keep my library card and AE all access pass card on it) and to hold any decorative souvenir you might add. Its an important thing to keep organized, or else its just a heavy clump of melted, compressed metal, and plastic that weighs down your time.
I found, personally, it was rather time consuming to keep all the keys, cards, and mini stuffed poohbear on one key ring. My fingers feverishly spent time thumbing through the cluster of stuff to find the key I wanted. When my hands were full you could forget that... So I added another ring.
 But how do I decide what goes on what ring? If I need to reach at keys quickly, or when I have my hands full, what is the best arrangement of keys? I decided the key ring with my lanyard on it would be labeled "Ring One" this would have the non-daily essentials. It houses my lanyard, mini pooh bear, cards, and church key.
Though that coiled up piece of metal fought me to get on there..... attached to Ring One is "Ring Two." This houses my two car keys and my house key, making it easier to pluck out my car key when shuffling through the parking lot with my hands full. It also gives me leverage when holding my keys by the end of my lanyard, to swing them up and Ring Two will conveniently end up above Ring One in my hand, instead of a mass cluster of everything at once.
This keychain organization is just one less thing I have to worry about. A little sliver of my life that I have made run smoothly, and though it is a little thing, it makes the load that much lighter.

Defending Macklemore

I am not particularly a hip-hop and rap fan. I barely have any rap songs on my iPod, and though I've tried many times to get into it I just haven't. Only a select few have made it onto my music list. But the budding Seattle rap/hip-hop artist called Macklemore is changing that.
The reason is, his songs are different. His sound is the same, the same upbeat and fast paced singing style. But when you listen to the lyrics ( I suggest listening to his songs while watching a lyrics video on YouTube) they are about overcoming real world stuff, about his childhood in Seattle, and the struggle he had overcoming drugs and alcohol to be a better person, about relationships, about the Northwest. (which I can relate to cause I live there)
The people that write him off as "just one of those rappers" grossly underestimate him. He has songs about loving people of all kinds, he has songs about getting out of the deathly drug-ish lifestyle that destroys relationships and careers. Songs about Seattle, and how music saved him. And my personal favorite, probably his quirkiest, a song about shopping at a thrift shop! Real life things. So when you put him in the same category as all the other rappers who auto tune and that just rap about sex, drugs, and prostitutes, I get rather defensive.
Macklemore is on a level that the few, soulful, thoughtful, and genuine rappers are on. He is just as amazing live as well! He is a chill dude that seems rather humble to be where he has gotten with his music. When you watch him perform you can tell he really feels it.
Like any rapper, the words come out so quickly it takes me multiple times to listen to the song to get it, but once I know the lyrics, I really enjoy it. Makes me wish I had the incredible gift of being able to rap. How cool would that be?

So anyways, that's my quick defense of Macklemore! He's also a Mariners fan! So that's a plus! Hahaha go check him out! You won't regret it!